Advice on why penis in vagina sex can be meh. There are lots of other kinds of sex you might enjoy much more.

Why (Penis in Vagina) Sex Can Be ‘Meh’

Why penis in vagina sex can be a bit rubbish for many couples.

‘Proper’ sex

Penis in vagina sex 'proper sex'When people think about sex they often think it means penis in vagina sex. Society says that this is what counts as proper sex. Some people really really like this – which is great for them. However many people (with penises and vaginas) do it even when they don’t enjoy it.

This video explains why people often don’t enjoy that kind of sex. Spoiler alert – it’s all about the glans. If you want to read instead, scroll down.

Meet the glans

penis in vagina sex the glansIt’s the really sensitive bit of the penis and also the vulva. There are thousands of nerve endings in the glans so, for many people, this is the most sensitive part of their private parts. The glans is the tip of the clitoris and it’s the bit you can see at the top. As you can see most of the clitoris is inside the vulva (see my clitoris video). The penis glans is the top bit too.

What penis in vagina sex looks like

penis in vagina sex vaginal sexSo what happens when people have penis in vagina sex? This is the side on view of what happens as the penis enters the vagina and then goes deep inside. The penis goes into the stretchy space either in front of the cervix (as it’s shown here) or behind the cervix (see my vagina video about this). This should not feel painful at all if the vagina is relaxed and wet enough and the penis should just slide in quite easily.

#GlansWatch

penis in vagina sex glanswatchSo that’s what happens during penis in vagina sex. Let’s go back to the glans shall we? As you can see, the glans of the penis is getting lots of love. It’s snug and warm and wet and so it feels really great. But look at the glans of the clitoris – it’s not getting much love up there at all.

Penis 1, Clitoris 0

This means that for many couples, this kind of sex is better for the penis than the clitoris. Sometimes people do get enough stimulation from the outside bit of the clitoris, or from some of the nerve endings on the upper wall of the vagina to make it enjoyable. But many women with vulvas don’t enjoy this kind of sex that much.

Many women (with vulvas) don’t enjoy this kind of sex that much.

This makes people feel sad because sex is ‘supposed’ to feel good but also people worry that they aren’t normal or that they are crap at sex. So then people start to really worry about whether they are ‘doing penis in vagina sex right’ and concentrate on their performance. This can lead to crap sex, because people focus on their performance rather than whether they are enjoying it).

Trying (and failing) to do ‘it’ better

penis in vagina sex performancePeople also get really into dodgy sex tips. Trying out lots of techniques or positions that they hope will be a magic wand to make vaginal sex better for both of them. Or people might think that they just aren’t doing it with the right person and so give up on a relationship that might be great but just because this one kind of sex doesn’t work for them.

That’s the problem, what’s the answer?

penis in vagina sex different kinds of sex countsFirst of all, remember that lots and lots of different kinds of sex can ‘count’ as sex. Rather than thinking about ‘what is proper sex’ think about what might be enjoyable for you and your partner and go from there. There are loads of ideas for this here and you can see more links below the article.

© Justin Hancock, 2015

 


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Comments (12)

  • Avatar

    Joydip Bhattacharyya

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    The article is pretty much contemplative and well noticed. Very impressive stydy about what sex really is. Really after reading this article my wrong notions have found the right way out. Now I’m much more experienced than the average people. The website is really a sex knowledge friendly site.

    Reply

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    Liz Bona

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    The nerve endings on the upper wall of the vagina are insufficient for pleasure or climax. The “G-Spot is just a myth. Google “G-Spot myth”.

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Justin Hancock

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      For many people that is true, but many people find that this area is very sensitive. Everybody’s body is different right?

      Reply

      • Avatar

        Liz Bona

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        No, it’s not yhe case that everybody’s different. Alfred Kinsey said it was physiologically impossible for the nerve endings to give sexual pleasure or climax. It’s not possible. I know women tell lies about their sexual experiences. Kinsey also said that any perceived satisfaction from penetration was psychological or a result of referred pleasure that was actually coming from the clitoris. There’s no such thing as a G-spot or vaginal orgasm either. These have both been debunked by reasearchers as complete myths.

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        • Avatar

          Justin Hancock

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          Kinsey was a great sexologist but there has been a lot of research since then which believes a) that sex is biopsychosocial and that just focussing on one aspect of sex is not the whole picture and b) women’s experiences of their own bodies. Who cares whether the pleasure for some women is from the internal part of the clitoris or the prostate or the ‘G Spot’? Many people with vulvas like that area to be stimulated, many don’t. Every body is different.

          Reply

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    Liz Bona

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    It’s very convenient for you to just keep stating that everybody’s different. I don’t think so. Everyone has labia, everyone has a clitoris, everyone has a vagina, so why would only some people have a G-Spot. There’s no evidence to support it. Not one piece. I’ve never felt any vaginal pleasure whatsoever and neither has my sister, my best friend, my mother.
    The majority of the vagina is without nerve endings. They are only present at the entrance. They aren’t pleasure inducing but they can feel pain, obviously, otherwise you could damage yourself.
    If there’s women telling forums and sites, that they don’t get vaginal pleasure, and the best sexologist going has said that the vagina is relatively unimportant and it’s physiologically impossible to get sexual pleasure or climax, then it’s obvious that women don’t get pleasure vaginally.
    I am certain that women that claim they do, are merely doing it because to admit otherwise would make them look “uncool” and men wouldn’t like it. If they told their boyfriend they got no pleasure, and another claimed she did get pleasure, he’d be off with the faker, coz his ego would prefer this. Women fake pleasure and orgasm all the time for convenience and for the sake of men.
    They lie to other women as well, because no one wants to be the only woman to admit they don’t get pleasure, when every other woman is pretending she does. You look “uncool” if you tell the truth when others are lying. I always tell the truth.

    Reply

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      Justin Hancock

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      I think your points are interesting but completely and utterly wrong. So I’m just going to leave it there.

      Reply

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    Liz Bona

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    Oh. The internal part of the clitoris isn’t pleasurable. The external part is and this is rarely stimulated during penetration. Most women never climax this way.
    The external part is equivalent to the penis head. There you have it.
    The internal clitoris isn’t pleasurable and it’s also behind the vaginal walls so what stimulation would it get. Not very good, and it’s
    not pleasurable. I know better than a man.

    Reply

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    Rhoda

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    “The internal part of the clitoris isn’t pleasurable?” It might be true for you but I have experienced a whole lot from all parts of my clitoris and the g-spot. My partner has to stimulate both areas for me to achieve an orgasm so you definitely shouldn’t rule out the idea that many people will experience different things. There are lots of good videos on this page that will show you more and I know Justin has done his research which is a lot more up to date than Kinsey. You can also look at OMGYes.com which has some amazing research from real women about the true variety of female experience.

    Reply

  • Avatar

    Liz Bona

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    The entire article is about PIV being “meh” so why all the saying it isn’t now from the writer?
    There IS NO G- SPOT look it up. Type in “G-SPOT myth. It’s never existed or had any evidence whatsoever to support it. The body attached to the Clitiroris ( technically it should not be called the internal Clitoris as the Clitoris is an external) would be the equivalent of the penis shaft which is less sensitive than the head and has vaginal walls over it. It can’t be that sensitive then can it? Why do so many women say they don’t feel anything?

    Reply

    • Avatar

      Justin Hancock

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      The point of the article is to say that for many people penis in vagina sex can be meh. Your comments have mainly been about picking a fight with me. Now you seem to be contradicting other people’s experiences (if people want to say they have a G spot and that they enjoy stimulation of this area then it exists for them). So I’m not going to engage with you after this. All comments need my approval before they get posted.

      Reply

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    Anonymous

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    Thank you for this article, its fabulous. I work with young women born without a vagina and try to emphasise that sex isn’t only about ‘penis in vagina’- that, as you say sex should start with what feels good. That sex is whatever a couple want it to be. Thanks.

    Reply

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