A way to check up on how your relationship is doing. What's going well, what needs to be worked on.

How is my relationship?

Worried about the state of your relationship? Try the relationships graph to see what’s good and what you can work on.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of the relationship it’s hard to work out how well it’s going. I hope this graph helps you to work out how well your relationship is doing, what you could work on, what you need more of, or whether it is time to get out. Loads of people I’ve worked with have filled this out for themselves or with their partner to give themselves a relationship check up.

Rate each category from 0 – 9 and then connect the dots. I guess the bigger the shape in the middle then the more healthy the relationship? For example

relationships graph how it works

The relationships graph

So here it is. If you draw on your computer/phone screen please use a water based felt tip. Or do it on a bit of paper yeah?

If you aren’t sure what each category means I’ve put a little guide below the graph. Also these categories are just suggestions. You could perhaps have a think about what’s important to you in a relationship. What do you want and why?

bish how's my relationship graph

Trust

Do you trust each other? Do you trust that you aren’t going to deliberately hurt each other, are going to do the right thing about safer sex, that you are each others main squeeze?

Limits respected

Is there pressure to go beyond each others relationships limits? (To go beyond sexual limits, or limits around how committed you want to be, or the future of the relationship.)

Safe

Do you both feel safe from physical or emotional harm from each other? Do you try to look after each other?

Fair

Is the relationship fair? Do you both share the good and bad? Do you stick to the same rules in your relationship or is one rule different for one person and different for another?

Feel the same?

Are you on the same page about the relationship? Do you agree on what the relationship is? Friends, friends who have sex, casual relationship, dating, going out, boy or girlfriend, partners?

Independence

Are you both able to do your own thing too? To have your own mates/family time, your own career plan, own hobbies, have time on your own, you can make your own decisions about you and your health.

Phwoar!

This is an old fashioned word used like people like me to say ‘they’re hot.’ How much do you fancy your partner?

Good sexy times

Are you doing the sexy stuff that you want? Do you both get good sexual pleasure from each other? Do you feel you can talk to each other about making the sexy stuff feel good (within your limits of what you want to do)?

Good times

Do you have good times together? Do you go out, do nice things for each other? Do you both want romance? If so do you get and give this?

Support

Do you support each other? Are you there for each other if you need some support? Are you good to each other. Do you try to make each other feel happy?

Communication

Do you both feel you are listened to? Do you just shout, get angry, nag or criticise or can you talk, reason and share your thoughts calmly too?

Honesty

Can you be honest with each other? About how you feel about each other and other stuff.

© Justin Hancock 2015


Comments (5)

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    Dave

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    Hi Justin,

    I really like this piece of work. Would you be alright if I used it with some of my groups? Of course I would be happy to pay for it, but although we are a charity, we do need to ‘sell’ our work and in that sense could be regarded as a competitor.

    Best wishes

    Dave

    Reply

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      bishtraining

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      Thanks Dave

      If you buy a set of the Relationships Leaflet then I’ll email you a pdf you can print off and photocopy as needed. You can use it in your work as you wish but I retain the rights to it.

      Justin

      Reply

      • Avatar

        Mavrick

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        That’s a nicely made asnwer to a challenging question

        Reply

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    Liz Dean

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    I think this is (yet another) excellent resource by BISH. Love it love it, will be so helpful and useful in sex and relationships work. Keep up the fab work!

    Reply

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    Katie

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    My relationship is a perfect circle on this graph 🙂 Been together over a year now – happy times! Fingers crossed it will be the same next summer when we move in together. Katie (24)

    Reply

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