Dry humping is extremely popular with my readers here at Bish. Here I explain what it is, why it’s so popular, how to make it (even) safer and how to enjoy it.
What is dry humping?
There are lots of different variations of dry humping. Some of them are less ‘dry’ than others. Here are some examples. (I’ve made these up based on some of the things that people have said to me / stories I’ve heard. Slightly sexy talk coming up):
“We had like 10 minutes before the bus arrived so we spent that time kissing. I was pulling them towards me so our bits were pressing against each other.”
“We’re really not into anal (although everyone assumes this is what we do all the time). We use massage oil and just rub ourselves over each other. Sometimes I orgasm from just doing this. It’s really hot.”
“We might just be snogging and I might wrap my thighs around her thigh and just grind really hard against that. Does it for me every time.”
“She was pressing her bum into me really hard when we were dancing. I had to sit down after to get myself together again.”
“It’s like we’re doing it in the missionary position I guess. It feels just like we’re fucking. It’s hot and sweaty but she keeps her pants on.”
“I don’t have a dick but sometimes we like to pretend I do and we do it from behind. I get a lot of stimulation from that but also I really get off on doing this. We both are really into how it makes me feel in charge.”
So you can see that it can involve rubbing genitals together, or grinding against thighs, or pressing against someone’s bum cheeks, or massaging bodies together, or thrusting pelvises. Everybody’s body is different which means everybody likes different things.
Why are people into dry humping?
Often people think that ‘entry sex’ (entering someone) is the only thing that should be considered ‘sex’ (they are wrong of course). Not everyone can have that kind of sex or even enjoys that kind of sex. For example: penis in vagina sex, despite being very popular, is usually more stimulating for the penis than the vagina. This can also be true for penis in anus sex too.
With dry humping people can rub their most sensitive bits together (or against each other’s thighs) so they are giving each other similar levels of stimulation at the same time. It can be really sexy when people feel they are enjoying something as much as each other. Also people with penises then don’t feel they have to be hard, or feel under pressure to last longer. This kind of sex can include everyone (who wants to have sex). It’s a great form of safer sex. It’s good for people who don’t have much private space. So yay dry humping!
But it’s not for everyone
Everybody’s body is different, so just because I’m saying that lots of people enjoy it doesn’t mean everyone will or should. Important point that. Of course many people are asexual and probably won’t really enjoy something that is so sexual. Some people just prefer internal stimulation rather than this external stimulation. Some people like really gentle touch. Some people also prefer to keep their thighs close together to help them experience orgasms by clenching or rubbing themselves. All of this is fine obviously, I’m not the sex police.
It’s also possible to cause damage to your bits doing this. Lots of rubbing can cause friction and can damage skin (which can sometimes lead to infections like thrush). Also small cuts can occur to the labia or the frenulum doing this, which can be a bit scary at the time (but usually they heal themselves after a couple of weeks).
People also worry a lot about a naked penis getting near a naked vagina and starting a pregnancy (although this is very very very unlikely as I explain in my Am I Pregnant resource). It’s still also possible to transmit some less serious STIs like herpes and HPV this way.
Make dry humping safer
- Be careful with zips and buttons (for yourself and the other person)
- Maybe use condoms or dams to cover the genitals that are touching each other to cut down the risks for STIs (though this doesn’t entirely reduce the risks)
- If you’re doing a lot of grinding and body to body massage, maybe use something slippery like lube (silicone lube might be good for this) or massage oil (not with condoms).
- If anything hurts or feels uncomfortable do stop (and if it looks like it is for your partner too)
How to enjoy dry humping more
Like with all kinds of sex (and all kinds of everything) it’s more enjoyable when we are in the moment and just experiencing a thing. Thing is, it can be really hard to do this. We get told by so many people about what kind of sex we should be having, how we should be doing it properly or that we shouldn’t be doing it at all.
When it comes to dry humping thoughts might pop into your head like “um does this really count as sex” “does this mean we’ve done it now” “will they think I’m weird” “I hope they don’t tell anyone” “does this mean I’m bi/gay/lesbian/straight?”
This can all be well distracting and so not hot. If you find your brain getting in the way of you enjoying sex like this, just try to go back to what is happening right now. Notice what’s happening to your body, their body, your noises, their noises, how things feel, how your breathing changes, their facial expressions. There’s more here about how to do sex talk and communication.
More about having enjoyable sex
How to have amazing sex without having ‘sex
Why we need to take the pressure off hard ons
How to have sex (including how to have entry sex)
My guide to What Is Sex goes through different kinds of sex explaining how to do them safely, consensually and pleasurably.
© Justin Hancock, 2025 Find out more about me and BISH here.
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how do I politely ask my girlfriend to stop touching my boner
Okay, let’s see. ‘Could you touch me somewhere else please?’ ‘Would you mind not touching my boner?’ ‘I really like that you like to touch me, but could you please not touch me there?’ Or how about ‘please stop touching my boner’.
I get why it might be difficult, because there are ‘should stories’ that when you are in a romantic relationship they ‘should’ be sexual (when actually romantic relationships don’t have to be sexual). Also we are told that boners (penis and clitoris boners) are ‘the thing’ that you are ‘meant to touch’ or ‘the most exciting area’ when actually it might not be. Our boners don’t always mean that we are horny and they don’t (by themselves) indicate that we are up for having sex, so it being touched when we have one might not feel very nice. Also sometimes people don’t like their boners to be touched, it just doesn’t feel nice, or the way that they are touching our boner doesn’t feel great. So perhaps understanding all this might help you to understand why you don’t want your girlfriend to touch your boner and perhaps help you find a way of communicating about it in a way that feels good for you. I’m happy to give you more advice if you like. Justin
I’m waiting for marriage and clearly very inexperienced but my bf and I make out and dry hump. Usually before the dry humping even starts, my ex is sweaty, clammy and out of breath. What does that mean? He says it’s because he’s nervous?? But we have been together for 2+ years. What does it mean for him to get clammy and sweaty and out of breath when dry humping?
I think it probably means that he’s sexually excited?
So me and my bf were in bed before he got in top of me I got wet by myself because he was kissing me. Then he got in top of me he had his boxer and sweatpants and I had leggings and my underwear. So he got in top of me then his penis touched my vagina through the clothes but then he got off Can you get pregnant like that ?
No you can’t. There’s more on this here Am I Pregnant? and here Fertility Explained – chances of getting pregnant
okay okay so i was dry humping my boyfriend im just wondering if you could get pregnant if like you get wet and he precums a little and s dry humping and grinding the same thing i was doing the lotus and riding on him but with clothes on so is it possible orrrrr im just overreacting
It’s not possible to get pregnant from that. There’s more information about this here Am I Pregnant?
hump me fuck me harder
my girlfreind keeps toutching my boner
When I dry hump wwirh this guy he’s wearing boxers and sometimes sweatpants, and I’m wearing whatever I was wearing that day. We do different positions but we always end up doing reverse cowgirl last which I don’t mind at all. But how can I tell when he finishes because there are times when I guess that he is done. Without looking though is there a way I can feel the difference. What are some moves that I should do too if I don’t know or just to make him better than before too
Interesting question! It is hard to communicate and to see what’s going on for the other person when you’re facing the other direction. So when you do that you have to rely on him using his words. Can you just ask him to tell you when he’s had enough? Or just ask him to be more vocal generally. You could also agree a set of hand signals, often people like to use a tap or a squeeze to indicate that they’re done. I’ve written more about this Sex talk and communication
I want to fuck someone. How to I tell them or signal that I want to??
Try this one How To Ask or this one How To Chat Up Someone Without Being a Creep or this one Sex Talk and Communication
I have dry humping with my girlfriend while clothes on 2 jeans and 2 underwear. I ejected about 3 time but we still to grinding on each other. Is there pregnancy risk Bish? And she have shoulder pain 3 day in a row when she’s wake up in the morning is this a sign of early pregnancy ?
No pregnancy risk from this I don’t think. Have a read of this to find out more http://www.bishuk.com/safer-sex/are-you-pregnant-probably-not/
Any updates?is she pregnant?pls reply
i and my boyfriend were dry humping with only underwears on and he ejaculated and both the underwears got wet ,is there any chance of getting pregnant even if i(she) never had sex before and my start of last period was 18 days before
It sounds very very very unlikely (if you read this post I’m sure you’ll agree).
Any updates?are you pregnant?
hello everyone, i wanna say something & its really important so i need you to focus on it please.
lets start, i’ve dry humped my boyfriend few time, and my period was late for 9 days. i kept freaking out and i’ve been stressed out for real. i got tired from stressing myself so i was like screw it ! whatever happens happens..
i got my period after 9 days late, lemme say the truth its actually happened after i stopped stressing myself about it..
girls, stress can delay your periods for real, you can’t get pregnant from dry humping, relax & chill, try to stop thinking please & you’ll get your period, trust me i’ve been in the same situation.
good luck girls <3 !
Thank you so much for saying this!