Ask Bish – ‘I’m autistic, will I get in trouble for masturbating?’

Advice for a reader about masturbation. Warning: there’s a reference to sexual abuse.

i’m moderately autistic with language delay. 27. lately I’ve discovered wanting touch myself when anxious. it bleed the other day for a little bit. but i already had blood this month. (i have had history of people bad touching me it bled then as well). my question is will i get in trouble with support worker if i ask for help to get dr ask what is going on. cause confused

Hello. Thanks for your question.

Touching yourself is fine (in private)

Most people touch themselves because it feels nice. If you are in your bedroom and it is private then touching yourself is good. If you touch yourself in a public place (like at the shop, or in the street, or in a television room with other people) then you can get in trouble and other people will get upset. It can feel nice, comforting, sexy, relaxing, exciting and lots of other things too. So if you are anxious it’s fine for you to touch yourself.

Why you are bleeding

If you’re bleeding when you touch yourself I think it might be because you are trying to force your fingers into your vagina (from your email I think you have a vagina). I think this is what might have happened when you have had bad touching from people. Touching yourself in private is good touching, but it’s important to touch yourself gently. If you do this it can feel really really good. It should not hurt and it should not bleed.

Touch yourself gently

Instead of trying to put your fingers inside yourself, try gently touching your skin on the outside of your body. Your chest, your nipples, your sides, your legs, you bum – anywhere that feels good to you. You can take your clothes off if this feels good (remember you can only do this in your bedroom – in private).

You can gently touching your private parts (vulva) on the outside. You can slowly put your hand in your pants and touch the area where your hair grows (your pubic hair).

Masturbation Autism Graphic Masturbation Autism Graphic 2

 

It feels nice to touch yourself with wet fingers – you can lick and spit on your fingers. After a few minutes it might start to feel different and you might feel your clitoris getting bigger and harder. The labia might swell up and throb. Masturbation Autism Graphic 3

If all this happens your vagina hole might start to feel wet.

If your vagina hole is wet, and you want to, you can move your finger into your vagina hole very very slowly. If that feels good you can move your finger in and out of your vagina, or around and around or up and down.

Masturbation Autism Graphic 4

If it hurts or you bleed again you must stop. There are lots of ways for you to touch yourself and you do not have to put your finger in your vagina if you do not want to. Only touch yourself if it feels nice.

Here’s a diagram of what your vulva (private parts) might look like.

Vulva diagram autism

You can touch yourself like this for as long as you like – lots of people like to do it for between 5 and 30 minutes. You can do it in bed before you go to sleep or when you wake up. After touching yourself you should wash your hands before you touch other people.

You won’t be in trouble with your support worker

You are allowed to touch yourself (it’s called masturbating). You will only get in trouble if you touch yourself in a public place. If you don’t understand what this is (lots of people don’t) then your support worker might be able to help explain what a public and private place is. They might be able to turn what I’ve said above into a story to help you understand:

“I sometimes want to touch myself. It’s important that no one sees me do this. So I go to my bedroom and close the door. I can take some clothes off if I like. Then I gently stroke bits of my body if I like. I have to be gentle so I don’t hurt myself. If someone knocks at the door I can say I’m busy and they won’t come in.”

You are also allowed to talk to your doctor about it and to find out more about why you bleed (apart from when you are having your period). You could show your support worker and your doctor what I’ve written here if you like.

Your history of bad touch

Have you spoken to your support worker about your history of people bad touching you? Your support worker and your doctor can help you to understand what happened and can help to protect you in the future. Remember that you have control over your body. If someone wants to touch you, you can say no and they should not touch you. If they bad touch you then they will be in trouble.

“My body is mine. If someone wants to touch me I can say no and they should not touch me.”

If you do want someone to touch you, and they want to touch you too, this is good touch. You are allowed to let people touch you gently if you want and if you are in private (in your bedroom) then you will not get in trouble.

 

 


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