should i have sex with someone i met online?

Ask Bish – Worried I’m Not Measuring Up To Her Ex’s Penis Size

There are a lot of myths about how the vagina works, just like there are loads of myths about dick size and orgasms. I explain it here to a worried reader.

My gf last boyfriend of 4 years had a above average size penis about 8 in. And I have an average size penis. Sometimes in certain positions when she is extremely wet I can feel small….although never had this issue before…yet she orgasms all the time with me and loves that i have great stamina…but i want to know if she can easily tell I’m not as filling as her last bf or am i able to penetrate all the same spots cause I’ve read women have several did have different types of orgasms ….

Hi

Thanks for your question. I get asked this a lot.

I think if I tell you a bit more about the vagina then it might help you feel less worried. Also I’ll say some generally positive things about your penis (which I’ll encourage you to do too) and also to have a think about how you view sex.

About The Vagina

People think that a vagina is a space which is made bigger by whatever has been there before. Wrong wrong wrong. The vagina is very stretchy and (just like your penis) it changes shape and size when it gets aroused.

When they aren’t aroused they are about 2.5 inches long but when they are aroused they stretch and expand to be double that length (4.5 – 6 inches ish). The opening to the vagina stays pretty much the same size but the area deep inside the vagina (called the fornix) stretches a lot.

It’s all about the fornix, baby

Because of the other thing that can happen in the vagina (hello, birth) vaginas are very very stretchy indeed, particularly around the cervix. So when you and your gf have (penis in vagina) sex the end of your penis is pushing against the stretchy fornix either in front of or behind the cervix (can you see that in the picture above?).

Her ex with a longer penis will just have been stretching that bit a bit more (which may not have felt very comfortable). However your penis will be ‘filling up’ the same space in a very similar way.

Vagina size

The width and length of the vagina is different for many people (just as penis size varies a lot) but the vagina doesn’t get bigger because of someone having had sex with someone with a bigger penis (even child birth isn’t thought to affect the size of a vagina). There’s also loads of strong muscles surrounding the vagina (called pelvic floor muscles or kegels).

You say you are feeling like you are slipping out. Your gf could have a larger than average vagina or she is producing loads of lubricant (which from what you’ve said sounds likely). People mistakenly think that some people who have had more sex have bigger vaginas. Wrong again. It’s just that they are maybe more likely to understand how their body works and to be able to get aroused (fornix stretches, vaginal gets wet). Your gf is getting turned on and enjoying sex, thus the vagina is very slippy.

Sensitive spots

The most sensitive bit inside the vagina for most women nearer the opening on the upper wall. People refer to this area as the G spot but it’s not really a spot it’s just an area. There aren’t really spots in the vagina but just other areas that other people like to have stimulated too (for instance some like the fornix to be stretched). It sounds like your gf is getting the stimulation she wants from your penis (though most people need external stimulation of the clitoris for sex to be enjoyable/orgasmic).

You and your penis, not him and his

If you’re thinking about your ex’s penis this might be affecting your enjoyment of sex because you feel like your gf isn’t enjoying it as much – this might actually be making you less hard (and so less big). When a thought about him pops into your head acknowledge it but also breathe and think about how good sex is feeling, feel how turned on your gf is by you. Think about your own penis and how much pleasure it is bringing you both. Also think about your body next to hers, how your skin feels, feeling and hearing her breath etc.

Are you enjoying sex?

Have you talked to her about your concerns? She’s having orgasms and is really enjoying having sex with you: but are you enjoying having sex with her? Do you try having different kinds of sex that might also do it for you? Not all guys are into penis and vagina sex.

Maybe think about some other kinds of sex you might like too (even if you are enjoying penis in vagina sex). Check out my OMG Yes, Hmmm, Not For Me page to think about (and talk about) all the different ways of having sex.

You’re kinda just making sex sound like it’s to do with the size and shape of your penis in her vagina – it really isn’t just that. To have good sex you need to know a few basics about anatomy and how people get turned on but much more importantly it’s about being able to find a way to communicate what you both like.

Sex isn’t a performance or a competition: there are no goals or world records or gold medals (unless you make one for your gf). Try to tune into sex and to tune into your partner rather than think about how your penis is doing compared to other penises.

For further reading about the vagina try this academic research where they measure vaginas (very interesting). Also check this from Kinsey Confidential.

© Justin Hancock, 2013


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