Hear my advice for reader who has asked me that age old question ‘does he still like me?’
“Ok so I’m 17 and I’ve known this guy for a while and a little while back I thought he really liked me, he would hug me multiple times every time we saw each other, tried to hold my hand many times, and hung around me. But then he went home and when he came back he hasn’t really shown much affection towards me. He still raises his eyebrows when he looks at me but he didn’t flirt with me any more. Please help I would love to know if he still likes he. By the way he is 18”
A lot of people would just say that you should just ask ‘do you still like me.’ That’s not that easy to do and it’s not the advice I give here. Instead I talk about:
- How it can feel like there’s a lot at stake in situations like this, which makes it hard to talk about
- There may be lots of reasons why he isn’t being affectionate towards you
- Maybe there’s someone else he does that with and feels like he should only do that with one person
- Maybe he thinks you don’t want it
- Maybe he’s learnt some stuff about consent and thinks it’s a bit inappropriate
- If all you’re missing is the physical affection you could just be clear that you miss this.
- Say “hey I really liked it when we did …”
- Perhaps also think about whether you want him to hold your hand or do you want to hold his hand?
- Do you want to be affectionate towards him If so, can you ask him for that?
- Maybe this could lead to a conversation about whether this may change the relationship and what kind of relationship you may want it to be.
Do you disagree? Is this terrible advice? I’d love to hear what you have to think about it below.
I think part of the problem is that we have this one story about what is supposed to happen with romantic relationships. What if every single part of a relationship was up for people to negotiate for themselves? Imagine that instead of having the kinds of relationships we think we should have, what might happen if we had the relationships that worked for us?
That’s what my advice is about. There’s also some advice in this recent post about how to negotiate relationships and why this is important.
For more on relationships see also
Write your own love stories instead of putting up with the rubbish ones in rom coms and things
Different kinds of relationships are available to you. You do your relationship in a way that works for you.
Different kinds of love are also out there. Try not to get so focused on one particular kind (you know, Eros)
Also here’s the Bish low down on love