Ask Bish

Please read this carefully first and send me your question via the question box at the bottom of the page.

This is not for emergencies

If you need answers in a hurry Ask Bish is not for you. If you are in the UK please click here to find a sexual health service near you. Or you can try The Mix or  Childline. If you are worried about online abuse or a video/image of you has leaked you can report it via CEOP.

If you have a question

I will answer questions via email now, for free if you are a young person. I can’t promise to give you a very long answer in an email and I can’t and won’t answer all questions. Remember to leave an email address if you want an answer. I may also answer your question on here, like I have with other people (anonymously, so I won’t be sharing any identifiable information about you)

Please, before you ask me a question, search the site to see if I’ve already answered your question (or something like it). Also look to see my other answers to other people on ‘Your Questions’ in the menu.

It’s confidential

I won’t tell anyone who you are if you’ve sent me your name. When your message comes through, your IP address shows up*. If I think you’re at really serious risk of harm I will need to try and get more information about you and refer you to a local service that will try to keep you safe.

(*bear that in mind if you are sending me hate mail)

Tell me a bit about you

I’m not going to make any assumptions about who you are, so if it’s relevant you may need to tell me a bit more about you so I can give you a good answer.

I’m not a medic and I’m not always right

I’m not giving any medical advice (I’m not a medic) but I can give general advice and information. I can’t accept any responsibility for anything that goes wrong as a result of my advice. Soz

Please please search the site for your answer first!

Again, please read through the website to find an answer to your question before asking me. I use the search function at the top of the page. 

I can’t tell you if you’re pregnant or not, please stop asking.

Here are the risks of pregnancy from having sex once.

I had sex I'm worried I'm pregnant
Am I Pregnant?

As you can see, the average risk of pregnancy for one sex (with the penis ejaculating inside the vagina) is 3.1%. It is even more unlikely that you (or someone else) are pregnant from masturbation, pre-cum and dry humping. But I can’t tell you whether you are pregnant or not and I won’t answer. For more about this please click here or click the image above.

Read this on how to deal with stress and what to do if your partner is putting you at risk

Where are the answers?

I post the answers here.

Here you can ask your questions

(You don’t have to put your email address in here. Please don’t use anyone else’s address, it’s not that funny. If you can’t see the question box you can also post your question in the comment box below

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You can follow BISH on social media but it’s all collapsing and it’s really hard for sex educators because they take our posts down.I post a bit on instagram and hardly ever on tiktok because I’m not a 12 year old. Or you can get an email every time I write an article by subscribing here. You literally just get an email saying that a new article is up, nothing else. Most people (even teens) tell me they prefer that.

I’d have more time to answer your questions more quickly if I had more funding. This website relies on my monthly supporters who chip in a few £ a month. Find out more about how you can support BISH here.

21 thoughts on “Ask Bish

  1. I am an 18 year old guy and i think i have phimosis when erect. i am a virgin so i only notice it when masturbating . will it go away and what should i do?

    1. If you’re talking about tight foreskin, here’s some advice for you about how you could loosen it. When you masturbate you could use a lubricant or oil to help loosen the skin and perhaps just see how far back it goes (without it hurting at all) and then just hold it for a few seconds. Keep repeating that and you might notice it starting to get a little looser over a few weeks. Don’t do anything that hurts. If it hurts, stop. If in any doubt at all please speak with a doctor.

  2. Hey. Just a quick question: when should ejaculation first happen. I realise it is different for everyone, but I would like a general idea from a professional.

      1. So that’s a very interesting question and I’ve had to do a bit of research about it. The short answer is the average first age is 13 – 14, but this from studies of boys around the world who self report their first ejaculation. So this is when boys wank to completion for the first time. However, they might have ejaculated before that without realising (also known as wet dreams). Also there is a wide range of responses, so some boys may have ejaculated much earlier than 13 and others much later. Does that answer your question? I’ve got an article about puberty here.

        Here’s an interesting academic article about first time ejaculation in boys. Chad, J. A. (2018). The First Ejaculation: A Male Pubertal Milestone Comparable to Menarche? The Journal of Sex Research, 57(2), 213–221. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1543643 There hasn’t been any work on first time ejaculation for girls because that’s not seen as being to do with puberty, more something which can happen during sex and masturbation. Here’s more on the history of female ejaculation Joanna B. Korda, Sue W. Goldstein, Frank Sommer, SEXUAL MEDICINE HISTORY: The History of Female Ejaculation, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 7, Issue 5, May 2010, Pages 1965–1975, https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2010.01720.x For people with DSD (differences of sex development) it’s thought that all sexual development happens later de Brouwer, I. J., Suijkerbuijk, M., van de Grift, T. C., & Kreukels, B. P. C. (2022). First Adolescent Romantic and Sexual Experiences in Individuals With Differences of Sex Development/Intersex Conditions. The Journal of adolescent health : official publication of the Society for Adolescent Medicine, 71(6), 688–695. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2022.07.012

  3. Love your articles, they are so helpful. I am in a new relationship which is completely physical at the moment and I’m so happy with it. He loves everything nasty and I am completely new to this and totally enjoying it. We have experienced some amazing things and I want to go further. He likes to take charge and I’m totally great with that. I need help with what exactly getting nastier entails, we’ve done a lot together, the nastier I am the more turned on he gets, can you expand on this without holding anything back? He is amazing.

  4. The guy who I’m seeing always talks about putting a baby inside me when he’s just about to cum/cumming during sex. I can’t use hormonal contraception so we use condoms. I’ve asked him about this and he says it’s just a fetish he has and he doesn’t actually want to get me pregnant, just the thought of it in that moment really turns him on. Should I be worried about this like would this be something he actually wants to do or not? I’ve never really heard of this being a thing

    1. I’m sorry that happened. If you managed to find it, put it in ice (or on a frozen bag of peas) and take it with you to hospital as they may be able to stitch it back on. Best of luck with it! Justin

  5. Hi,
    So I think I might be masturbating wrong. When I finger myself I only touch the outside of my vagina. I never go inside because of fear and because it feels weird and when I do happen to go inside I feel dry. Like there’s only lubricant outside of my vagina never inside. Also it doesn’t feel good anymore. I remember I used to feel so good pleasuring myself. My face would turn red, and my legs would be shaking and now it doesn’t feel good anymore. Thoughts?

    1. You could try doing other things, either other ways of masturbating or just some other things. It’s really important not to try to make yourself do things but instead to be with your body all the time. Treating yourself with consent and remembering that you and your body are constantly changing. So different ways of masturbating might help you (for example, not just touching your genitals), or just having fantasies and thinking about sexy things. But also maybe you want different kinds of excitement? For example exercise? I wrote this a few years ago which covers similar ground on how you can be with your body rather than trying to make it do things

  6. Hi,
    Looking for some advice on being more confident with talking to my bf about sex and what we both like or don’t like. He’s very confident and finds it easy to tell me if he wants more or less of something, or wants to try something new. However i struggle with it. When we have sex he’s dominant and i’m submissive, which is something we spoke about and are both into. And during sex, when he’s being dominant and dirty talking it really turns me on. However when we’ve finished, he often wants to ask me if i enjoyed it, how it was, if i liked what he did/said and ik that’s a good thing he asks, but i get so embarassed to answer his questions!
    I’m not sure if im embarassed because once we’ve finished i’m not really turned on anymore so i no longer find things hot and feel more kind of awkward about it?
    Me and my bf have been together for 5 years so i trust him.
    Thanks in advance for your advice!

  7. Hi
    Any plans to make this an accessible sight for disabled people who need captioned video instead of walls of text? There are many with print reading disabilities and others who need video/animation to attend and get that extra layer of language.

    Many Thanks
    Sonia

    1. Hi Sonia. That’s something I’d love to do, but I just don’t have the funding. I used to make videos back in the day but they are incredibly resource intensive and date very quickly. I only have enough funding to work on this for around 0.5 days a week at the moment, which means I only get to do around 1 new article a month (as well as editing old ones and responding to questions and doing outreach). I might be able to do audio versions of posts in a podcast type feed at some point. I appreciate this isn’t a good enough answer because I want BISH to include everyone, but this is clearly a failing I can’t address right now.

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