anxious about getting her pregnant

Anxious About Getting Her Pregnant

My advice to a reader who has a partner but is super anxious about getting her pregnant. Yes condoms, but there are lots of other things he could do too.

“I get extremely anxious about making any partner I have pregnant to the point it is ruining all relationships for me. I had unprotected sex with a new partner recently and every day I’m living in pure fear that’ll she text me saying she’s pregnant even though she said she was on the pill. The anxiety is completely debilitating. Do you have any suggestions? Many Thanks”

Thank you for your question. Here goes.

Use a condom

This way you’re protected and if your partner is also using another form of contraception then your chances of pregnancy are extremely low. I’m only guessing about why you’re not using a condom but I think this is a great option for you. Especially as you’re the one who’s really anxious about getting her pregnant.

Here’s how to use a condom

Your partner takes a pill every day, has to go to the clinic to get them, and has to put up with any side affects. She also has to live with the physical risks of pregnancy, and the risk of having to make a pregnancy choice. So maybe you do your bit and put a condom on your dick. 

Here’s how to make using condoms easier

Make the risk even lower

Chances of pregnancy without using condoms are much lower than people think. If you have regular sex over the course of a year without using any contraception there is an 85% chance of getting pregnant. If you use a condom correctly, every time you have sex, over the course of a year, then that risk is 2%. That’s very low.

If someone is on the combined pill and takes it as they are supposed to, then the risk of pregnancy over a year is 0.3%. Withdrawing your penis before ejaculating, perfectly and every time, has 4% chance of pregnancy over a year. Though that’s incredibly hard to do, so don’t just rely on that if you can. By the way, the stats for this are estimates and are from this paper.

If you do all of these things: condoms, pill, and withdrawal then your chances are really really low. Like, well low. You’ve probably done GCSE Maths more recently than I have so you work it out Einstein. Please show your workings in the comments section.

If you use more than one method of contraception then your chances of pregnancy are really low even if you fuck up once in a while. Like if your partner forgets to take the pill for a couple of days, then your condom covers you. If your condom breaks, or you don’t put one on for whatever reason, then the pill covers you.

Don’t have reproductive sex

Sorry to regular readers who are bored of me saying this. You don’t have to have penis in vagina sex. In fact there are lots of reasons why not doing is a good idea. Also the whole reason that we see this as sex is because of bad medieval sex education.

Obviously if you don’t put your penis in your partner’s vagina then the chances of pregnancy are zero. So if you wanted to have enjoyable sexy times you could try doing that. Try these things, or have a look at this list. Aside from the anxiety you might both enjoy it a lot more too.

Don’t have sex

If the anxiety is completely debilitating have you thought about not having sex? You don’t have to make yourself do something when that thing is making you anxious. Sex is like abseiling. If the thought of it makes you anxious, don’t do it.

If you are in romantic relationships with people that doesn’t mean you have to have sex. There are many many people who are asexual and they can have wonderful relationships without the sex. (They can also have crap ones too, just like everyone else.)

You can have intimacy, closeness, excitement, closeness by doing loads of other things. Oh look I’ve written this article about all the reasons that people have sex and how you can replace all those things with something else.

Sex can be great, but only if it’s something that you are really choosing to do. If you are making yourself have sex then it’s not a great way to treat yourself. Making anyone have sex, including yourself, is not exactly consent is it?

Talk about it

Have you talked about how you are super anxious about getting her pregnant? With sex there’s a lot to be anxious about and safer sex is just one of them. People get anxious about whether they will enjoy it. Whether they are doing it properly. About how consensual the sex is. They worry about whether it’s the right thing to do for them. And also people worry about what it means for their relationship.

Perhaps you could try to start a conversation for both of you about all your worries about the sex. I can’t think of any other activity that people do together where people are encouraged to not talk about it. So talk about it. More advice about sex talk and communication here and here’s how to talk about talking. Also sometimes it’s best to go with the awkward when it comes to sex.

Also check out my article about how to deal with stress.

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4 thoughts on “Anxious About Getting Her Pregnant

  1. Hey, me and my girlfriend don’t have sex. But we do dry hump…
    can she get pregnant from this? Like I was only wearing boxers and she was completely naked and I never ejaculated, but I did precum. I saw from the stains on my underwear afterwards.
    Will she be pregnant?

  2. Hi im actually very worried, i just did unprotected sex w my gf 17 and me 21. I put my penis inside her for about 20secs but i did not cum inside, im worried about hearing that my precum can make her pregnant and im really worried about her. I only ejaculate outside and masturbate of only a min after i put my penis inside, please help im very worried that my precum can make her pregnant.

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I've written "Can We Talk About Consent - A Book About freedom, choices, and agreement." It's about how to choose your perfect pizza, what to watch on TV, who plays in goal, politics, rights, and yeah also a bit about sex. The illustrations are beautiful and hilarious.

Out in January but please.....