anxious about getting her pregnant

Anxious About Getting Her Pregnant

My advice to a reader who has a partner but is super anxious about getting her pregnant. Yes condoms, but there are lots of other things he could do too.

“I get extremely anxious about making any partner I have pregnant to the point it is ruining all relationships for me. I had unprotected sex with a new partner recently and every day I’m living in pure fear that’ll she text me saying she’s pregnant even though she said she was on the pill. The anxiety is completely debilitating. Do you have any suggestions? Many Thanks”

Thank you for your question. Here goes.

Use a condom

This way you’re protected and if your partner is also using another form of contraception then your chances of pregnancy are extremely low. I’m only guessing about why you’re not using a condom but I think this is a great option for you. Especially as you’re the one who’s really anxious about getting her pregnant.

Here’s how to use a condom

Your partner takes a pill every day, has to go to the clinic to get them, and has to put up with any side affects. She also has to live with the physical risks of pregnancy, and the risk of having to make a pregnancy choice. So maybe you do your bit and put a condom on your dick. 

Here’s how to make using condoms easier

Make the risk even lower

Chances of pregnancy without using condoms are much lower than people think. If you have regular sex over the course of a year without using any contraception there is an 85% chance of getting pregnant. If you use a condom correctly, every time you have sex, over the course of a year, then that risk is 2%. That’s very low.

If someone is on the combined pill and takes it as they are supposed to, then the risk of pregnancy over a year is 0.3%. Withdrawing your penis before ejaculating, perfectly and every time, has 4% chance of pregnancy over a year. Though that’s incredibly hard to do, so don’t just rely on that if you can. By the way, the stats for this are estimates and are from this paper.

If you do all of these things: condoms, pill, and withdrawal then your chances are really really low. Like, well low. You’ve probably done GCSE Maths more recently than I have so you work it out Einstein. Please show your workings in the comments section.

If you use more than one method of contraception then your chances of pregnancy are really low even if you fuck up once in a while. Like if your partner forgets to take the pill for a couple of days, then your condom covers you. If your condom breaks, or you don’t put one on for whatever reason, then the pill covers you.

Don’t have reproductive sex

Sorry to regular readers who are bored of me saying this. You don’t have to have penis in vagina sex. In fact there are lots of reasons why not doing is a good idea. Also the whole reason that we see this as sex is because of bad medieval sex education.

Obviously if you don’t put your penis in your partner’s vagina then the chances of pregnancy are zero. So if you wanted to have enjoyable sexy times you could try doing that. Try these things, or have a look at this list. Aside from the anxiety you might both enjoy it a lot more too.

Don’t have sex

If the anxiety is completely debilitating have you thought about not having sex? You don’t have to make yourself do something when that thing is making you anxious. Sex is like abseiling. If the thought of it makes you anxious, don’t do it.

If you are in romantic relationships with people that doesn’t mean you have to have sex. There are many many people who are asexual and they can have wonderful relationships without the sex. (They can also have crap ones too, just like everyone else.)

You can have intimacy, closeness, excitement, closeness by doing loads of other things. Oh look I’ve written this article about all the reasons that people have sex and how you can replace all those things with something else.

Sex can be great, but only if it’s something that you are really choosing to do. If you are making yourself have sex then it’s not a great way to treat yourself. Making anyone have sex, including yourself, is not exactly consent is it?

Talk about it

Have you talked about how you are super anxious about getting her pregnant? With sex there’s a lot to be anxious about and safer sex is just one of them. People get anxious about whether they will enjoy it. Whether they are doing it properly. About how consensual the sex is. They worry about whether it’s the right thing to do for them. And also people worry about what it means for their relationship.

Perhaps you could try to start a conversation for both of you about all your worries about the sex. I can’t think of any other activity that people do together where people are encouraged to not talk about it. So talk about it. More advice about sex talk and communication here and here’s how to talk about talking. Also sometimes it’s best to go with the awkward when it comes to sex.

Also check out my article about how to deal with stress and here’s an article about how to worry (effectively). You might also be interested in learning about menstrual tracker apps and why they aren’t that accurate.

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22 thoughts on “Anxious About Getting Her Pregnant

  1. Hi Bish!
    Yesterday we had penis in vagina sex with my girlfriend, and everything was going well until – after we were going really fast – when I pulled out, we saw that the condom had rolled up almost all the way, and was only covering the tip. We immediately stopped, and she finished me off by hand. I didn’t ejaculate while I was in her, and we did lots of foreplay before so chances are the pre-cum already came out before we engaged in penis in vagina sex, but I can’t be sure about that. I peed a lot of times since my last ejaculation, but either way, realistically what are the chances of her possibly becoming pregnant from this? We know that this isn’t the most dire situation, but still we were shocked to see the condom rolled up at the end like that.

    1. If you didn’t fully ejaculate inside her vagina then the chances of pregnancy are very very low indeed (even if you didn’t use a condom). Remember that in the studies about pre-cum, they found that only some men had sperm in their pre-cum and even where there were sperm there wouldn’t have been enough healthy sperm to have been able to start a pregnancy in the vast number of cases. As you had a condom on covering the tip you were protected from this. If she wants to be absolutely sure she could get some emergency contraception / visit a sexual health service.

      Condoms do sometimes roll up like that. So as I say here in my article about how to use them, it’s a good idea to make sure it’s still on from time to time. If the condom rolls up a lot it’s likely that you have it on the wrong way round.

  2. hello,
    i gave my boyfriend a hand job and then he put it in me and did only a little bit of movement (he was in me for maybe 4 minutes) and then he pulled out and i gave him head and he finished in my mouth. what are the chances i’m pregnant. I’m 5 days late so i’m stressed.

  3. Hello JUSTIN,

    It was the day after Ovulation ( on flo app- I know it’s not that accurate), I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend for a few seconds. He pulled out before he finished but I’m still anxious, I know it was not a smart idea but I need some reassurance.

      1. Hello justin,
        I had sex with my boyfriend without any protection, so we did withdrawal method but before that he was going faster and reaching to cum as he was about to cum he pulled out of me to ejaculate on the bed but the cum went back in then he started again after sometime he pulled out and released on the bed but my worry now is that when the sperm went back in and we did it again for him to cum, their might have been sperm that followed precum out when we were having the sex.
        Remember: As he was about cuming, it went back in and we continued for him to reach climax.

        1. Hi. If he didn’t fully ejaculate inside your vagina then it’s very unlikely you are pregnant this one time. Withdrawal can work, but it’s not recommended because people can ejaculate (or start to ejaculate) without realising. If you think you are at risk of pregnancy you might find this article useful to plan your next steps Am I Pregnant?

  4. I don’t mean to annoy you but I want you personally to answer this please I had sex with my gf for two rounds and each round I pulled out with a condom and my paranoia kicked in thinking that the condom broke but I filled it with water to see if it was leaking turns out on both of the condoms there was no leaking whatsoever I want to ask you did I do anything wrong and what are the chances of pregnancy?

    1. You did nothing wrong. As I explain above, the risk of pregnancy when you use condoms is extremely extremely low. If you were to have penis in vagina sex with full ejaculation inside the vagina without condoms, two or three times a week, over a year, the risk of pregnancy is 85%. If you do the same using a condom (ejaculating into the condom) the risk is 1.5%. You’re doing this with the withdrawal method, so the risk of pregnancy over a year is very very low.

  5. Hi bish!
    So me my bf have sex in my last day of period and we did it 2 times without condom. Also after that day, its my non-fertile day and after we did it my menstruation flow got heavy but after that day, my menstruation was gone. I’ve been overthinking this days if I’m pregnant or not. Thank you bish!!!!!

  6. I nd my boyfriend had sex on the 7th of this month ND according to my period tracker I wasn’t in my fertile window yet
    So we had sex using condom at first then later we didn’t use condom ND his penis entered my vagina
    So some minutes after I used postinor 2
    Will the pill or not ?
    I haven’t ovulated yet

  7. hi bish!! i hope u read this

    so me and my bf have sex with condom and the condom is ultra thick. while we doing it we stopped in the middle to check if there was a leak or tear but there was none, then he told me that he’s about to come he pulled out and released outside with condoms on, im super anxious rn if there’s any chance that i get pregnant for this?
    thanks bish!! this link is the only i trust!!

    1. Hiya. Condoms (even the ones which are not ultra thick) are very very effective (if you use them regularly over a year there is a 1.5% chance of pregnancy). As he pulled out too, that makes them even even safer. So I’d be amazed if you got pregnant from this. Hope that helps!

  8. Hello Bish, I am asking can I get pregnant if my bf used a condom and we rolled it the wrong way, as we noticed, we just rerolled the right side of the condoms…then we proceeded to dry humping tho I felt that he was near my vaginal entrance.

    He has no pre cum nor cum because that would the 2nd time we would grind. I am just anxious about a claim in the website we found of the net where we could get pregnant if we use a rerolled condom

    1. It’s correct that you should try to get the condom the right way round because there’s a possibility of pre-cum being on the outside of the condom. However the chances of pre-cum starting a pregnancy are close to zero and as it didn’t go inside your vagina then the chance is zero.

  9. Hey, me and my girlfriend don’t have sex. But we do dry hump…
    can she get pregnant from this? Like I was only wearing boxers and she was completely naked and I never ejaculated, but I did precum. I saw from the stains on my underwear afterwards.
    Will she be pregnant?

  10. Hi im actually very worried, i just did unprotected sex w my gf 17 and me 21. I put my penis inside her for about 20secs but i did not cum inside, im worried about hearing that my precum can make her pregnant and im really worried about her. I only ejaculate outside and masturbate of only a min after i put my penis inside, please help im very worried that my precum can make her pregnant.

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