Here’s a question from a reader who is worried she is pregnant from pre-cum, but I have other worries. This post contains references to sexual assault and non-consent, so be careful before you read any further.
I’m 16 years old but I left school already…. My situation is that I was messing around with my boyfriend and he tried to push his penis inside me. It didn’t go in and it hurt a lot and he was only there for a few seconds and I told him to stop. And I asked him what if I get pregnant he said I won’t so I asked him if he precumed he said if he did he would know. I told him that guys can drop semen without knowing, he said yes he knows but he would’ve known if he dropped so much. And my period is supposed to come next week Friday. And I don’t know what to do.
Thanks for your question. I’ll answer your question first but there’s something else I’m much more worried about.
Pregnant From Pre-Cum?
So it’s incredibly unlikely that you will be pregnant from what you describe. The average chance of pregnancy for one time sex is 3.1%. This is between 0% and 9% depending on whether you were about to ovulate or not. However this is with someone’s penis fully ejaculating inside someone’s vagina, which is not what happened with you. You can read more about how pregnancy starts and where I got those figures from about pregnancy chances here.
There is a possibility that there may have been enough sperm in your boyfriend’s pre-cum but it would be rare for there to be enough mobile sperm for pregnancy to occur. And even then the pre-cum would have to have happened with his penis being fully inside the vagina. I wrote about pre-cum here and have just updated it.
So I’d be amazed if you are pregnant from this. You could go and chat to someone at a sexual health service if you think you are at risk. You could also chat to them about contraception. I think there’s some other stuff that you could be chatting to them about too though.
What Worries Me
Your description of your boyfriend trying to push his penis inside you made me feel sad and worried. You told me about it but you didn’t say you were concerned about it (at least not directly). He really should not have done that because it sounds to me like you didn’t want that to happen. This is serious business and, if the police got involved, he could be questioned about, or charged with, a sexual offence (like rape, attempted rape or sexual assault).
What he did was wrong and that you shouldn’t have to put up with him treating like that. When it was happening, you told him to stop and he did. He should have been aware that you were not into this before it got to the point of you saying stop. It’s not cool to put someone in the position of having to say stop, or no. This is on him, so maybe he should be reading this website about how to do consent better.
Sadly this is really common (with one in ten women reporting having had sex without wanting to). However I also don’t want to tell you how to feel about it, that’s not my job. Your body is your body and your feelings are your feelings. I’m not here to tell you what it is that you should be feeling, thinking and doing.
If you are chill about it and you have told him that wasn’t cool and are confident it won’t happen again, then good for you. If you wanted to dump him because of this, that would be totally legit. Also if you wanted to tell someone else about this and ask for their help that would also be good. You could report this to a Sexual Assault Referral Centre if you wanted to, they could give you some help and support. You didn’t leave an email address but if you want to get back in touch with me I could try and help you find a service near you where you could get help, if you wanted it.
It’s your call how you deal with it, I just want to get you to think about it.
Hope that helps
© Justin Hancock, 2018