A lot of you visit BISH every day, which is nice, but what do you think about it and how do you use it?
Over the last few years I’ve been running a survey at the website asking you things like: did you find what you were looking for, what did you like about it, and what could be improved. This is another little report about what you have to say about BISH.
Most people who visit the website just stay long enough to get an answer to their question and so they aren’t bothered about filling in the survey. So this is just a report about what readers said about BISH in the survey, not everyone who visits the website. I know this is super long, but it’s not even the full version! That’s available for my funders at Patreon, who chip in from £1 a month to pay for me to run BISH.
Summary
So what I found looking at all the responses was that readers like:
- The vibes, look and feel;
- The content;
- That it’s welcoming;
- What the guidance actually did for you.
It’s clear that it’s important that the vibes of the website, combined with the accurate and comprehensive content, is what makes it useful.
Introduction
Since 2016 I’ve been running a website survey at BISH in order to get feedback about the reader’s experience of using the website and whether they have found it useful. Over the years I’ve used this to inform my process of creating the resources here. The responses that my readers give me (in the survey and in the comments sections) helps me to make the kinds of resources that you want and to make sure they’re engaging.
I’ve also reported on this to my funders in regular reports, chiefly this has been to my Patreon subscribers in my quarterly reports. Since 2016 I’ve received 278 responses, mostly from people in their teens and twenties. I began the survey after a relaunch of the website in 2016.
It isn’t possible for this to be an objective piece of work which in any way suggests that ‘this is what all websites like BISH should do’, it’s a mapping of what it is that I do and what other people do with it. I am tangled up in all of this: it’s my website, I own it, I write it, I asked for the feedback via the survey, and I am writing this. And this. And this. The readers giving feedback largely know that it is run by me and that it is me that they are giving their feedback to. Often they even say ‘hey Justin’ in the feedback, so I can’t pretend that all of this is capital S ‘scientific’.
I also don’t want this to be a ‘isn’t Justin / BISH great’ report, even though yes I am and yes it is. In fact many of the responses say that I don’t do enough self promotion and that I need to do more of it, but I am going to try and make it as objective as I can whilst still recognising that it can never be completely objective.
Through carefully looking at all of the responses I’ve picked out four main themes. The first of these is what I call ‘vibes, look and feel’. This section incorporates what the reader has told me about: about ‘getting the language right’ and what this means for them; how their is a reader / writer relationship; that this relationship confers trust and understanding; the importance of humour and lightness; openness and accessibility for the reader; how the content is easy to understand; and, how the look and feel of the website affects the reader.
The second theme is about ‘content’: expertise and informativeness; the comprehensive nature of the website; and, the level of detail I use. The third, and I think connected theme, is ‘welcoming’: non-judgemental content and style; gender inclusive; openness of the content matter (as well as the style); and its honesty and truthfulness. This all contributes to ‘what does BISH do for the reader’: how the reader understands that the combination of tone and content help them to get something out of the resource; being informed and advised; relieved, calmed, and reassured; and, feeling ‘more able to’ as a result of coming to BISH.
What I found and what this means
Theme 1: Vibes, look, feel
Readers liked the vibe and that it was written by ‘a person’ (me).
Using the right language
Readers found the information to be easy to understand, well written, and easy to relate to. This doesn’t mean that articles have to be too brief or not complex. This was more to do with the fact that “[i]t’s written in language that is normal and not posh or anything” [teen].
I always try to write in a language that is neither too clinical or ‘down with the kids’. I also try not to be too ‘negative or positive’. Several responses to the survey pick up on this. II try and make it as ‘normal’ as other topics.
“The cool, non-judging style of communicating sensitive topics” [twenties].
“The way you speak / your language and how normal it feels” [forties].
This meant that people also found the subject matter easy to relate to, helping them to feel at ease and comfortable.
“I understood everything and it was all very informative without being awkward or uncomfortable.” [teen]
“it also made me feel very comfortable with myself when reading a lot of stuff” [teen].
The reader / writer relationship
Readers liked that it was written by a person with a particular tone of voice and way of speaking.
“It felt like I was having a conversation with the writer” [teen].
“His voice that comes through in the writing” [forties].
This sense of a conversational tone, and having a relationship with me ‘the writer’ perhaps helps people to feel comfortable, or at ease.
“How honest, unembarrassed, supportive and informative you are. It feels like talking to someone you are very comfortable with” [teen].
Being able to make people feel comfortable with things like tone of voice, humour, appropriate language, is very pleasing. It’s something that I try to do when I am running workshops with people in person, so it’s nice that I can also do it via a website.
It’s a trusting relationship with a person
Authorship and expertise is also something which is considered important.
“It’s not rigid and it doesn’t spew the traditional sex ed phooey. Also you sound like a real person, with humor” [twenties]
“I like how it is super educated and everything is true and the website is run by someone who is very upfront about it in a natural way and someone who is fully trained about sexual health and knows alot about it etc” [teen].
Readers like that it’s written by a person and that that person is a trained and experienced sex educator and youth worker. Nowadays a lot of website content is written by someone who isn’t an expert in the field but who knows how to write (a copywriter) or sometimes it’s content that is written by (shudders) AI. Also I think readers like that it’s written by just one person, who can say ‘I’. A lot of sex ed websites are perhaps run by organisations and so maybe articles might come across as if they were written by lots of people (maybe, I don’t know).
“it’s really friendly and understanding” [teen].
Humour
Another part of the relationship that BISH/I has/have with the reader is humour or lightheartedness.
“your kindness, the jokes” [teen].
“You talk about subjects with personality and humor, but also filled with facts” [twenties].
“The sense of humour helps. Makes you resource sex is not such a “serious” business. It’s all about … people having mutual consensual fun” [sixties].
“The perfect answer. Informative and lighthearted” [forties].
Perhaps a small amount of laughter helps people to feel less anxious about a topic which many people coming to BISH might be feeling https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S266594412100016X. If I say something that makes you laugh, or respond in a way that feels nice, then you have that little connection with me, which might just make you also feel a bit relaxed and that you might engage with the article a little bit more.
Sex educators often talk about the need to inject a bit of humour into things. The key for us is that we laugh at the right things. I think it’s important that we don’t laugh at the topic, but instead laugh around the topic. Also humour and lightheartedness don’t mean making jokes (which can often be at rather than with), and often this is to do with tone more than a constructed ‘joke’. Like the other day in this article about puberty when I said that “there are at least two jokes”: that’s not a joke, it’s just like a little fun thing to say..
Open and accessible
“the website feels very open to young people, it’s easy to read and some of the articles/posts cover important topics I haven’t found elsewhere” [teen].
“The openess of the answers” [teen].
“The variety of articles published here, and the openess about sex and sexuality” [teen]
People responding to the survey (respondents) said ‘open’ a lot. This seems to be about a couple of kinds of things, open in terms of ‘leaving things open’, like not telling people what they ‘should’ do. This is something I’ve really tried to counter and to not do. I even came up with the phrase ‘should stories’ and why they are bad. It’s my job to help you find your own story and way of being.
Readers were also saying ‘open’ like I was opening up the topic of sex and relationships, rather than doing that thing of closing it down (which is what a lot of people do). This relates to another theme of ‘honesty’ which will come up later.
“The layout is good, and your answers to questions are practical and accessible” [teen].
Accessibility came up many times in relation to openness, making the subject accessible. This is to do with language and tone, but also just making it easier to understand. There’s more about this below.
The other aspect of accessibility which came up was that ‘people can access it’. That it is a freely available website, with no paywall, and simply that it was available.
“[Its] accessibility and the fact that I can signpost up to it knowing that it is accurate information with a consistent value base … As a manager of a small charity it’s always hard to access funding for resources like this. So it’s great that there is no paywall” [forties].
Even though this is not aimed at educators, outreach workers, or clinic staff, it’s clear that they make use of it. Since BISH began we’ve had so so many cuts to sexual health education and clinical services, so I’m glad it can help a bit. However if you want to get some training or buy resources please consider visiting my website for practitioners bishtraining.com.
Easy to understand
“Easy to read and understand, it has pictures that helped me to understand better” [twenties].
“SIMPLE AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND ANSWERS AND QUESTIONS” [teen, emphasis not added].
Thankfully ‘easy to understand’ is a common theme in the feedback I receive. BISH is aimed at everyone over 14 and when I started the website I set up I used my experience of explaining complex ideas to young people in person to help me. Since then I’ve also relied on the feedback I get through the survey but also via the comments section at the website.
A lot of RSE is boiled down to an over-simplified ‘take away message’ which young people often tell me they find frustrating and leaves them wanting more. So I am pleased that even though I provide a lot of detail that it’s easy to understand.
The look and feel
“The modern and beautifully designed webpage and the info on a big variety of topics” [teen].
“Clean image and clear texts” [twenties].
“Website is clean and simple” [thirties]
BISH doesn’t have advertising all over it, in fact it has no advertising at all at the moment. Even when there was a logo for a sponsor, in the period when BISH was sponsored by Durex, it was a little image at the bottom of the page and there were no pop ups. This is something which people have responded to in the feedback
“Colourful, truthful, no ads all over the place and very simple and easy to read” [teen].
Shout out here to my mate Rhiannon who is responsible for the design of the website. It loads quickly and looks great and she’s really great at keeping it ticking over and running nicely. I also do all the graphics, so shout out for me on that.
Theme 2: Content
Readers had a lot to say about the content of the guidance they received: the information and advice.
Expertise / informativeness
“I like how it is super educated and everything is true and the website is run by someone who is very upfront about it in a natural way and someone who is fully trained about sexual health and knows alot about it etc” [teen].
“What I love about Bish is that all the articles are written with both professionalism informativeness and Humor…. The amount of helpful information in this one site is staggering” [teen].
“I think it is honestly the best sexual health website ive stumbled across. (mind you there isnt many good sights [sic] about sexual health like this one)” [teen]
Most visitors to the website don’t know who I am, or what my level of expertise is. I’m not famous and I’m not an influencer. So people get how informative the website as they read it. There were lots and lots of responses referring to the informativeness of the website or even my own informativeness.
“you are very informative and helpful
i think you’r [sic] awesome for dong this” [teen]
Comprehensive
Another common theme is the comprehensiveness of the content. Just how much there is and how it is all linked together.
“I love the way everything is linked, and how well researched everything is” [twenties]
“That and far more. When i first opened this site i was not expecting to spend more than a few minutes reading the first article that came up. I’ve ended up flicking through the articles for more than an hour answering nearly every single question i have ever had about sex. So yes i did find what i was looking for and far more” [teen]
“Articles about everything (things that are not often talked about), funny writing” [teen].
I’ve always aimed for BISH to be comprehensive. Even though people are mostly searching for topics to do with sexual activity more than any other topic, I always try to ensure that it covers lots of different topics to do with ‘sex, love, and you’. Even though other topic areas, like relationships, just aren’t that popular (or Google won’t give them a high rank), I write them anyway. In my opinion they are the best articles on here.
“I liked the way it used relatable language and scenarios, and covers every topic!” [twenties]
Of course, having a wealth of information takes time to produce. There are over 400 posts here, which equates to nearly 500,000 words. That’s 5 or 6 long books. I have also edited and re-edited nearly all of these posts over the years I’ve been running BISH. As I’ve learnt more about topics, and learnt from the feedback that readers have given me, the resource has developed and improved.
I was able to do much more work on this for the 5 year period when BISH was sponsored by Durex, but the fact is that I can only really produce one new article a month at the moment (in addition to answering all the questions I receive in the comments and the on-going editing and refining the existing content).
Detail
As well as the breadth of the topics, respondents noted the detail of the advice and information available at BISH.
“The simple explanation and every detail which gives all the possible outcomes and their solutions” [teen].
“Detailed and easy-to-understand explanations” [teen].
“[E]very topic is very thorough and even if you still have questions, you can ask bish personally” [teen].
“The first person style, the detail, that it considers all orientations in explanations” [teen].
As BISH has progressed over the years I have allowed the word count to creep up a bit. I try to keep everything around the 1000 word mark, with the occasional longer piece with lots of different sections. So it’s really great that this level of detail and content is both appreciated and also easily understood by these readers. Of course, BISH readers not appreciating the detail or finding the articles too difficult to engage with, are probably not going to take the time to say so (though no-one has actually said so).
I try to cater for everyone coming to the site: to try to give a tl;dr for readers who don’t have time (or don’t like reading) and to structure it in a way that the detail unfurls and the articles dig into some of the complexities as they go through.
“The fact that it speaks in detail about topics – not just the ‘sex is a journey, you’ll figure it out blah blah blah’” [teen].
This last point picks up on an important aim for BISH. Some Sex Ed just tells people ‘what things are’, or ‘what is normal’, or ‘here’s how you should do this’. I really try not to do that. Instead I try to get the reader to reflect on what resources they already have, what might work for them, what they might want to get out of something. Then I try to give them some more resources (ways of thinking, ideas, practical things to try) that might help them to understand what feels good for them and their relationships.
Theme 3: Welcoming
This section, which relates to the content of the website, is to do with how welcoming BISH feels to the reader.
Non-judgmental
“The non-judgemental, unassuming, understanding, carefully written nature of the content” [teen].
“The non-judgemental, I-can-tell-Bish-how-I-feel-without-feeling-ashamed-or-afraid atmosphere :)” [teen].
Many people can feel judged about matters to do with sex, relationships, and the self. To be non-judgemental, to be affirmative, caring, and understanding, yet sometimes also challenging, comes from the professional training I’ve had as a youth worker.
This also relates to the kind of guidance I am trying to offer. If I just offered set of ‘rules’ to live by, a set of ‘should stories’, that would make me look powerful and sexy, but would be awful for the reader. Just like anyone who is a fan of Jordan Peterson. I’m more trying to invite the reader to think about what works for them and to give them some tools that I hope will work. It’s an invitation to think about their lives in particular ways. I’m trying to be ‘beside’ the reader, not above them.
Gender inclusive
I don’t ask for details about gender for the BISH survey, however from the content of the open-ended responses it’s clear that respondents find it gender inclusive.
“The language used is simple, easy to understand, and is gender/sexual preference inclusive” [teen].
“Clear, lots of info starting from basics but not in a patronising way; wide range of topics covered; inclusive of people of all genders and sexualities” [teen].
This is also recognised by the practitioners leaving feedback.
“I love how honest & inclusive all your information is. This is massively helpful as a sex educator” [twenties]
Young men find the advice to be inclusive of them too. Here I am reading their gender from the context of the rest of their individual response (how they describe themselves and what they are looking for).
“Clear and easy to understand. It also doesn’t point the finger at either party” [teen].
“[Y]our site is amazing” [teen]
“I love how you don’t take to one side and are very unbiased” [teen]
“[N]ice presentation, non preachy” [eighties].
This is very important and one of the main aims with my work, and also one of the main challenges. Making the website feminist and LGBTQ inclusive, whilst also making it inclusive for straight young men. I’m trying to get everyone to feel like they can benefit from every page here and that as well as working on themselves that playing a small part in making the world better is in their interests too.
Here’s a quote from my article about puberty which shows this:
“How our bodies grow and what we do with them is influenced by the incredibly powerful stories about what our bodies ‘should’ do. In social contexts that are more chill about these things puberty (and should) be easier to go through.
Young men who are told that they should be tough and strong, might have a difficult time if they go through puberty later than their peers for example. Young women who get tall and big early on, might find it tricky too. Non-binary young people may find this easier, or difficult, depending on their social contexts, whether they have supportive friends, and whether people use the correct pronouns and names for them….
It would also be helpful if the people around you and the places that you are a part of (eg school) were able to help you get through puberty as best as you can. If schools were a bit more calm about the ‘boys are like this girls are like this’ thing that would be better. This is where the politics of the places around you are really important. The kind of school that can really help the most minoritised people get through puberty is also the kind of school that can help the least minoritised the most too. This is why solidarity and politics are important.”
“Also as a girl I like how respected I felt (I kind of assumed you were a woman 😅)” [teen].
Interestingly, a lot of readers of BISH assume that I’m a woman (which I’ve seen in the comments as well as in the feedback survey). I’ve also had people who haven’t read BISH yet, say to me that they just assumed that my work wouldn’t be very good, or worth looking at, because I am a man.
Honest and truthful
“The honesty is great” [teen].
“It’s honest and gives the facts without hiding anything” [twenties].
“i like how the writing is honest and human” [teen].
“Honest, straightforward, not patronising” [thirties].
“Very candid, honest, and a sign of the times” [thirties].
“Very clear answers without hiding the truth” [twenties].
I think that readers like the fact that I write about sex in a kind of honest and matter of fact way. I also say things that formal sex education might not be able to say. Two of the most popular search terms that young people use to find BISH are to do with ‘how to have sex’ and worries about the risks of being pregnant.
I talk about the possibilities for sex to be pleasurable and the actual things we can do in order to help this happen. A lot of sex education resources shy away from this kind of material because they don’t want to be seen to be encouraging young people to have ‘good’ sex. By adopting a ‘sex critical’ perspective I am able to give truthful advice about what we need in order for sex to be pleasurable which isn’t just ‘you need to find the right person, be in love with them and be old enough’ or ‘this tried and tested set of techniques, technologies, and positions work every time’.
Read how to be good at sex.
In the resources I have about pregnancy risks, I make it clear that it’s actually pretty difficult to get pregnant. I often say at BISH:
the advice we give to young women is: ‘if you have sex you will get pregnant (and that is bad) so don’t do it and don’t allow the penis or semen to get anywhere near the vagina or always use contraception’ but the advice we give to women who want to get pregnant is ‘good for you, pregnancy is great! You need to have penis in vagina sex, with ejaculation happening fully inside the vagina, without condoms, two or three times a week over the course of a year. If you do this then there is an 85% chance of pregnancy starting within a year.
So this honesty and truthfulness is something which I know that many many many young women and young men have found very helpful. Again, this is easier for me to say than say a sex education organisation. In fact, I once worked for a sexual health charity who prevented me from saying this in one of the resources I was working on.
“You cover topics that are often seen as ‘taboo’ topics that young people might not get chance to talk about” [twenties].
“This is a great site. I particularly like the fact that its for 14 yrs + as there are too many silly parents out there who treat sex as a taboo subject and this site would really help any young teen with questions. Nobody wants to think their teen is having sex under the age of 16, not only against the law but its irresponsible, however there is no point sticking our heads in the sand either” [forties].
Theme 4: What does BISH do for the reader?
So this theme is about how all of the above: the language, my tone, accessibility, vibe, and the breath, detail, openness and honesty of the content creates the conditions for the reader to benefit from the website. They’ve told me that they feel: informed, advised, relieved, becalmed, reassured, more confident, and more able to do things as a result.
How tone and content are related
So here I’ve summarised, in my own words, a couple of responses of how young people used BISH and what they got out of it.
A young man had a deeper understanding of how to experience more mutually pleasurable sexual activity. This was from learning about how sex wasn’t just about penetration. He found BISH from googling for a “credible” source of information about sex and relationships. He really liked how unbiased the resource was and told me how important, and perfect, my tone of voice was and the site in general. From a close reading of his response it’s interesting how he has picked up on the combined effect of the style and the content, and reinforced his idea that it was credible. This gave him the understanding and confidence to act on the information and advice he received.
A young woman was panicking about a possible pregnancy from dry humping. She found visiting BISH a very positive experience, comparing it to school based sex ed which was “boring and blunt and scary” but finding BISH to be more comforting, informative and fun. She appreciated the honesty and truthfulness of the resource (explaining just how dry humping can’t start a pregnancy). Also she trusted my expertise, both in terms of the detail of the information but also in the way that I could get it across.
It’s clear that although readers want information and advice that isn’t enough. Everything that I have covered in the first sections of this report have to be in place in order for it to fully take effect. It’s got to have the right vibe, otherwise they won’t fully engage with the content.
Informed and advised
Many respondents reported how helpful it was to be informed about a topic.
“Yep, very informative on sex and sexual health and just what I needed” [teen]
“I also learn a lot about [the] different parts of [the] vagina. At my age that’s not funny, but I did not know” [seventies]
“[R]eassurance and more knowledge about sexual education” [twenties].
“Were you looking for something in particular?
Information on masturbation
Did you find what you were looking for?
Yes” [teen]
“I did discover useful information about the use of my clitoris during sex” [teen].
And many responses praised BISH for the advice they needed and received.
“[A]mazing advice, incredibly validating, you’re doing amazing work” [twenties]
“I love to constantly educate myself about sex and I can see already that this site gives great advice and tips etc” [sixties]
“I found so much good advice!!” [twenties]
“I was looking for general advice my parents never told me” [teen]
“I love how clear your advice is. I’ve just copied a link of your article on how to seduce someone to my online dating profile” [forties]
Information and advice is the core of what I offer so it’s great that readers spotted that this is what I do!
Relieved, calmed, reassured
What difference did the information and the advice (and the way that it was conveyed) do? It helped to provide relief and comfort.
“[C]almed me down about my worries because I worry 24/7 and reading some articles calmed me” [teen]
“I’ve never felt more reassured by anything i’ve read, i panic about these things a lot and this has really put my mind at rest! i never give feedback on websites but on this one occasion i just had to cause i feel so relieved!” [teen]
“The articles are written really well. They are so good for my brain!” [twenties]
“It’s comforted me and given me information that other websites do not offer” [teen]
“it also made me feel very comfortable with myself when reading a lot of stuff” [teen]
“the way that Justin has answered questions is amazing too, for he always answers in a scientific, factual ways which are VERY helpful for the countless teenagers who face the stress of sex, not knowing enough about sex and generally being with their partners. thank you” [teen]
So in the advice and the way I give it, I have been able to help readers to feel a bit better.
More able to …
Several readers felt like they could overcome difficulties they were having in their sex and relationship lives.
“A better understanding of where the penis goes during sex helped me understand which part of my vagina I was having issues with” [twenties].
Others reported a greater understanding of their relationship to pornography and to masturbation more generally.
Also there was a general sense from responses of feeling more able to … as a result.
“I like how honest it is. I also like how kind all of the posts are. Whenever I’ve read a post, and I’ve looked at a fair few now, I always feel more positive” [twenties].
Of course a website survey on an advice and information website is very immediate. Readers haven’t had the chance to try and implement any of the guidance into their lives, so there’s a limit here on what a ‘how was this for you’ style website survey.
Quantitative findings
These are the quantitative findings from the ‘closed box’ questions on the form.
It was mostly young people in their teens and twenties who were responding to the form.
64% of respondents said BISH was very helpful, with 10% saying it was very unhelpful.
71% of respondents said that BISH was much better than Sex Ed they’ve had elsewhere. I don’t want BISH, or any other sex ed website, to replace in person Sex Ed (RSE), we need both. They both need lots more funding and expertise. But some forms of sex ed (like from the manosphere, or period tracker apps, some porn sex education, or some newspapers and magazines) are really crap. So let’s get rid of those please!
Conclusion
As I said at the beginning, this is not an objective capital S scientific report or study. I’m too involved in it to be able to do that. But there are some interesting findings I think we can learn from it.
It’s very interesting to me that readers pick up so much on the ‘vibes, look and feel’ of BISH and what that does. I was surprised by the relational possibilities of a website, but in reading of so many of the responses maybe it shouldn’t be. A (mostly) young, or inexperienced person, or someone with a concern or worry, about something to do with ‘sex, relationships and them’, might be feeling quite anxious as they are googling their questions. There is a great deal of shame and anxiety about these topics, which is due to the lack of adequate RSE resources available to most people.
Many online resources might seek to tap into this anxiety, by producing ‘a lack’, or offering a product or a subscription which might relieve this lack. Perhaps another online resource might tap into these difficult feelings by turning them into anger and blaming someone else. Another might simply want to repeat some of the ‘should stories’ in order to ‘educate’ people what is ‘normal’ or ‘okay’. Maybe another resource might feel restricted about what they can say about, for example, sexual pleasure. Perhaps this might result in a resource which feels written by a committee, or a copy-writer rather than a youth worker with an expertise in sex and relationships work.
So for the young, or inexperienced, or worried reader, BISH anser’s their question (and lots of other questions) in ways that they find engaging, trustworthy, friendly, kind,and humorous. This helps them feel better. That’s all that BISH does, and it’s not rocket science, but it does take a lot of hard work and time and expertise, but it has also relied on its readers to give excellent feedback to make the website better.
If you’ve contributed to the survey, thank you so much! If you are a fan of BISH and have read a few articles on here, thanks for visiting! And if you are or have been a Patreon supporter of BISH, you have actually paid me to work here, so thank you so much too!
Justin Hancock
November 2024
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© Justin Hancock, 2024 Find out more about me and BISH here.
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