So this is some homework for you. Think about all of the different reasons that people might have sex with someone (though solo sex totally counts as sex too). I’ve listed a few things below but just spend a few minutes thinking about all the reasons.
Before you think about how to have sex with someone, I think it’s a good idea to think about why people have sex and why you might want to have sex.
You might not think that all of the reasons people have sex are ‘good’ or ‘okay’ (your call, just don’t be all judgey about it) but think of all of them anyway. If you have sex then you might also want to think about all of the reasons that you have sex too. Once you’ve done that, you can read the ideas I’ve listed below to see how many you get, but then I’ve also got some important questions for you.
Why do people have sex?
Excitement, to get an orgasm, to feel comfort, to feel wanted, because somebody has asked you to, to feel attractive or desired, not wanting to lose the relationship, to be distracted, boredom, for exercise, to get money, because the other person will then owe you something back, to feel good in your body, because you feel like you’re supposed to do it, to put your partner in a good mood, pity, to try something new, to feel connected, intimacy, to feel powerful, because you’re angry, you don’t want the other person to feel rejected, out of frustration, to learn more about yourself, for fun, to pass the time, guilt, to feel pleasure, to act out your fantasies, to wake up, to experience different sides of yourself, relaxation, because you know somebody else expects it, validation, stress relief, confidence, because it’s your routine, procrastination, for release of tension, to feel like you’re good at something, to prove your masculinity/femininity, to help you deal with past sex, to prove something, to get pregnant, to reassure the other person, experimentation, to reaffirm a relationship, to stop thinking about everything, to cheer yourself up, to stop the other person from pressuring you, to feel ‘normal’, because you’ve got a minute (or two), to rebel, to get it out of the way, to make somebody like you, to let go, to show somebody your sex skills, to help you sleep… (add your own)
Some questions for you
It’s a lot right? Why is that?
Which of these can only be achieved by having sex with someone? *
Which of these might be reasons that you might want to have sex?
If a couple had loads and loads of reasons to have sex with each other, what effect might have on their relationship? How might it affect the sex?
If someone wanted to have sex with you, which reasons would you be happy for them to have sex with you?
If a couple had very different things that they wanted from sex, would that make a difference?
There are loads of different kinds of sex, so does that make a difference here?
(*it’s none right?)
What this means
This could be something that you just think about for yourself but maybe you could also chat to other people about it? You probs don’t want to talk about this stuff on the social medias (I know, I know, it’s well awks) but maybe you could chat about it in private? If you are thinking about having sex with someone maybe you could chat about what you want to get out of it?
Other Bishness you might like:
Here’s an interesting article which found that there were 237 different reasons for having sex!
Do leave a comment below if you have anything you’d like to add or if you have questions. I moderate all comments before they go live. Click here to ask me a question
© Justin Hancock, 2022
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Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he’s taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. He’s a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. Find out more about Justin here