make first time sex better

Have the Best First Time Sex

Here’s a simple step by step guide to help you have the best first time sex possible. Because your first time can always be amazing.

People often say that first time sex with someone (ever, or someone new), is always a bit rubbish, uncomfortable or even painful. None of this is true (especially the bit about sex being painful for the first time).

People (and society generally) say that first time sex is rubbish so much that people think it’s true and so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People go into it with low expectations, because people aren’t taught that first time sex can be great, expect rubbish sex, don’t do any planning or communication about making it better, and so they end up having rubbish sex.

make first time sex better - the self fulfilling prophecy

I think that your first time can be really great, especially if you have taken in some of the advice from the rest of the website about what it that you want from sex and how you can communicate that.

If you want to learn more about sex and how to do it for the first (and every time) then you can check out the How To Have Sex  guide. If you’ve already read that, then carry on.

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So imagine what good first time sex might be like for you. Use the boxes below to help you write a story about what a really good time might be like and what you would need to make it good. If you are planning some first time sexy times with someone you could do it together. At the end there’s a link for where you can download and print this on A4 paper.

First time sex - make it good

Is it a FWB type thing or is it a casual thing or do you need to be in a close relationship with someone to do this? Different kinds of relationships. Also what is the dynamic between you going to be like? Does one of you prefer to take charge and be ‘the top’ or the dominant? Maybe one of you likes to be submissive, or ‘the bottom’. Or you might both just like things to be quite even and mutual.

First time sex - make it good

I think it’s a good idea for everyone to think about why they want to have sex and what they want out of it. Do you have to want the same things?

Like before or after Hollyoaks? Or once you’ve been seeing each other for a few hours/days/weeks/months/years?

First time sex - make it good
First time sex - make it good

Here are some ideas of different kinds of sexy things you might want to do with each other. Okay so now imagine who will go first, will you talk about it or will you just try to tune into each other intuitively?

First time sex - make it good

Will you do all of the things on your list that you want? Or some? What order?

First time sex - make it good

Like would you want it to be hot, sweaty, exciting, or slow, warm, lovely and tingly? What other feelings would you like to have do you think? Read: Why do people have sex?

First time sex - make it good
First time sex - make it good

Are you a chatty person do you think? Or will you want to be slow and try to work it out as you go with body language? When will you know that you are done? Will you say ‘okay I’m done’ or will you both gently stop together. Try not to think that you or they need to orgasm or ejaculate in order for sex to have finished.

First time sex - make it good
First time sex - make it good

What do you imagine you would be thinking or saying to yourself afterwards if it went well? Will you chat about it straight away? Or maybe you will chat about it over text or something? It’s a good idea to check in with them afterwards to make sure that everything was okay. It’s also good to be able to learn what went well or didn’t go so well for next time.

Here are some other things to remember:

A lot of people can’t have or don’t like penis in vagina sex, so don’t assume that’s what ‘sex’ is, even if you are straight.

People can change their minds at any time, so even if you have planned everything out that doesn’t mean that it has to go that way. You need to be chill with that and always give the other person more than two options.

And here’s how to be good at sex and here’s how to communicate this stuff by text. 

Please leave a (nice) comment below if you like or ask me a question here.

© Justin Hancock, 2024 Find out more about me and BISH here.

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I’ve been a sex and relationships educator since 1999 (with a background in youth and community work). In that time I’ve taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. I’ve worked with many charities, local governments, schools and youth organisations facilitating training and workshops. My two books, Enjoy Sex (How, When, and If You Want To) and Can We Talk About Consent? are widely available around the world. I’ve been on the telly and the radio and have written articles for newspapers and magazines. I’m also a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. Read more about me and BISH here. Find out about my other work here Justin Hancock

If you’re over 18 and would like an advanced version of BISH check out my podcast Culture Sex Relationships. Also I’ve written a sex advice book for adults with Meg-John Barker called A Practical Guide to Sex available wherever you get books. We also did some zines to help you to figure out what you want from sex and relationships. They are at our website.

If you are an educator please don’t just show this website in class, they aren’t designed to be used as teaching resources. Instead, facilitate your own really great RSE with my resources at

© Justin Hancock, 2018

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