How To Sleep

Having trouble getting to sleep? Sleep is really important but a lot of the advice might not work for you. So here’s a resource for you to help you to understand how you get to sleep

You Should Get Some Sleep

I’m not into telling people what they should do, so I try to limit this to the things that we really should do to stay alive. So we really should; eat, drink, move around, be around people, and sleep. If we don’t sleep properly and get some rest then we can’t function properly during the day. During puberty (which ends during your mid 20s) you really need sleep and rest in order for your brain and body to develop. Walking around like a zombie is not going to lead you to being your sparkling best, which isn’t good for other people and that’s not good for you. So this is the one should I’ve giving you here – you should get some sleep.

Shoulds and Hacks for Sleep

However, the advice we get about sleep has a lot of shoulds in it. That we should sleep for 7 – 9 hours, that we should go to bed early, that we should turn our screens off before bed, that we shouldn’t have the phone near the bed, that we shouldn’t eat too late, etc etc. These shoulds are ‘things you should do’ that turn into hacks or tips and tricks. They might help us for a bit, but then after a while they’ll stop working and we’ll look for other hacks. This kind of advice makes it harder because it separates the mind from the body. It becomes about how should control what our body does with our minds. The best advice helps us to get our body and minds working together, to learn from each other. When we can do this, we can get into positive spirals of behaviours that can really help us and the people around us.

Solution Focused Approach to Sleep

So this advice is not about telling you should do, but is instead aimed at helping you to find what works for you. Once you do this you will be able to figure out your own routines to help you get some really great sleep and to wake up feeling great. To do this I’m again going to use a Solution Focused approach, which I’ve been trained in. Several academic studies have shown that Solution Focused Brief Therapy can really help people to get to sleep (see the footnotes for more). The thing I like about SF is that it’s quick, easy, works for most people, and even if it doesn’t work, doesn’t do any harm. Of course this isn’t the same as seeing a therapist, but it has the advantage of being free and something you can try out yourself.

The text is below but I’ve also recorded an audio version which you can listen to here. I have a very soporific voice, I’ve literally watched people falling asleep to my voice in class, but it’s not meant to put you to sleep straight away. It’s basically asking you to imagine what will happen you could fall asleep easily and soundly.

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Best Hopes for Sleep

So your best hope from listening to this will be that you will be able to sleep really well and to wake up well rested. I’ll be asking you lots of questions and leaving little gaps for you to respond to them, as if you were responding to me. You can listen to this at any time of day, it’s not meant to put you to sleep right now. You might want to listen a few times so that you can get the hang of what I’m asking you to do. Usually in solution focused conversations, the what we call ‘your best hopes’ happen while you are sleeping but for this one we’re going to imagine that your best hopes come true at some point between now and when you go to sleep. So you might want to try listening to this (at least for your first listen) at some point in the daytime.

Imagining A Future Where You Can Sleep Really Well

I want you to imagine that sometime today, all of your best hopes will come true and you are going to be able to sleep easily when you go to bed later. Maybe it will come true while you are day dreaming, or having a nap, or zoning out. Imagine that this amazing thing will happen. It will be like a miracle, or a switch, and all your problems with sleep will go away and be replaced by the superpower of being able to get to sleep and sleep really well every night.

No-one has told you this amazing thing has happened, but you will know that something has really changed. Imagine a specific time and place a bit later on. How will you know that when you go to bed later you will fall asleep easily and soundly? What will be the very first sign that this switch has been switched? How will you know? What will you be pleased to notice? What else will you notice? What else? Imagine where in your body you will first notice that this amazing thing has happened. What kind of emotions will you notice? What thoughts or feelings will pop into your head? What will you be doing?

Imagine Seeing Someone …

Let’s say that someone else will notice you (friend, family member, anyone). Who will you see? Say their first name out loud. They will notice that something has changed about you, even if they don’t know exactly what, what will be the first thing they will notice? What else? How will you respond to them? How will they respond back? How will you respond back to them? What will you notice about them? Maybe you will notice something in their body or in what they are doing? What will they notice about your body, or what you are doing? See if you can tell a story about this interaction, focusing on the tiny rich details as they unfold. How will they know that your sleep problems have gone and that now you will be able to get to sleep easily and soundly whenever you go to sleep?

Imagine Seeing Someone Else!

Now imagine that you will see someone else. It could even be a pet! Try to imagine an exact time and place where you will see them. What will you notice about your body, your feelings, and thoughts? What will they notice about you? They are curious and attentive to you, how will they know that something has changed since they last saw you? How will you respond to them? How will they respond back? How will you respond back to them? What will you notice about them? Maybe you will notice something in their body or in what they are doing? What will they notice about your body, or what you are doing? See if you can tell a story about this interaction, focusing on the tiny rich details as they unfold.

Imagine Bed Time

Now, I want you to imagine that it’s getting late and you are thinking about going to bed. What time do you imagine this will be? Where will you be? What will you have been doing before? How will you know that when you go to bed you will be able to sleep soundly and deeply? What will be some of the tiny little differences you will notice? If you are noticing an absence of something, can you also notice what is there instead?

Again think about your body. As you start to move towards bed, what will be the very first sign in your body that you will sleep well tonight? Try to notice the first part of your body that is starting to feel like it will sleep really really well. What difference will you notice? What part of your body will you notice next? What else? What difference will that make to your body? Do this for different parts of your body and notice how one part of your body connects to the other parts now you will be able to sleep. What will you be pleased to notice about your body?

Keep Imagining Bed Time

As your body is starting to get sleepy, what thoughts or feelings will you be pleased to notice at this moment? What difference will these thoughts or feelings make with your body? What else? As you body responds to the difference your thoughts and feelings are making, what will you notice? What thoughts will you be welcoming and responding to and bringing in to your late evening? As you are moving around, doing the things you do before going to bed, what will you notice? How will your feet be engaging with floor? How will your arms and legs be moving? What will your neck and shoulders tell you that very shortly, you are going to fall asleep easily and well.

What will you notice about your surroundings? What will you see in your environment? What lights are on? Which doors are open? What about the windows? What tones and colours will you notice? What will you be hearing as your body is taking you towards a deep sleep? How will you respond to this? What difference will this make? What are all the things you will notice in your environment at this moment? Describe what you will see, hear, smell, taste, and feel in rich detail. How will you know that you and your environment will sleep soundly together for many hours later?

How Will You and Others Know?

If someone is around, what will they notice about you that told them you are going to get some serious shut eye later? Imagine the tiny tiny things about you they will notice, what will be the first thing they will notice? What else? What else? And what else? How will they be responding to you and how will you respond back? What will they be pleased to notice about you?

Now, as you get into bed, what will you notice that tells you that you will be sleeping well in a few minutes? Lying down now, what will be the first part of your body that relaxes into the bed. As that part of your body relaxes, what will relax next? Which part of you will relax next? As you sink 5, 10, 15% more into the bed, how will you know that relaxation is unfolding in front of you. That your body is winding down, slowing down, getting sleepier and sleepier?

Imagine You Wake Up Really Well Rested

Next, imagine that you will wake up tomorrow after a really lengthy and deep sleep. What will be the first thing you will notice? How will you know? Even before you open your eyes, what will be the first thing you will notice?

As you just start to get out of bed and to get ready for the day, how will you know that from now on you will be able to sleep every night and wake up feeling well rested?If you are walking to the bathroom, to the kitchen, what will you notice about how you are moving? Perhaps notice your feet and how they make contact with the floor? What will you notice in your legs, bum, back? What else? What differences will you start to notice? What difference will that make? What will you be pleased to notice?

Let’s say that someone else is around, or imagine someone else will be around. Who will you see? Say their first name out loud. What will be the very first thing they will notice about you that told them something was really different about you? What else? How will you respond to them? How will they respond back? How will you respond back to them? What will you notice about them? Maybe you will notice something in their body or in what they are doing? What will they notice about your body, or what you are doing? See if you can tell a story about this interaction, focusing on the tiny rich details as they unfold.

Footnotes and Further Reading

If you want some more of this kind of Solution Focus thing, try my article about How To Feel A Bit Better, or this one about How To Make Friends.

Here’s an excellent article by Will Davies for the London Review of Books which tipped me off to the thing about 16 – 24 year olds and bad sleep. The interim review from Fonagy he refers to with the stats about sleep is here.

Below are some of the references for how effective Solution Focused interventions can be for sleep

Valve, P., Lehtinen-Jacks, S., Eriksson, T. et al. LINDA – a solution-focused low-intensity intervention aimed at improving health behaviors of young females: a cluster-randomized controlled trial. BMC Public Health 13, 1044 (2013). https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-2458-13-1044

J Collin, L Moor, L Monin, P Latour, C Van Kemseke, S Vieujean, E Louis, C Reenaers, P0806 Positive Impact of a Psychotherapeutic Approach Based on Solution-Focused Brief Therapy on Fatigue, Psychological Wellbeing and Quality of Life in Inflammatory Bowel Disease: A Prospective Single-Centre Study, Journal of Crohn’s and Colitis, Volume 20, Issue Supplement_1, January 2026, jjaf231.987, https://doi.org/10.1093/ecco-jcc/jjaf231.987

Şermet Kaya, Ş., Seviğ, E. Ü., & Zincir, H. (2023). The effect of solution-focussed education and counselling on problematic internet usage, sleep quality and school achievement: A randomized controlled trial. International Journal of Nursing Practice, 29(1), e13097. https://doi.org/10.1111/ijn.13097

© Justin Hancock, 2026 Find out more about me and BISH here. If you’re an educator, head to my website BISH training, to find out about my resources for SRE and training for practitioners. This website is funded by me (and I am not rich) and my supporters, please see how you can Support BISH here.

BISH is run by me, Justin Hancock. I’ve been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. I’m a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. As well as BISH I also have resources, a podcast, and a coaching service for over 18s, as well as some of the best RSE / CSE teaching resources around. Find out out about my other work at justinhancock.co.uk. My work has featured (positively) in the media, like the BBC, Financial Times, The Economist, The Guardian, Sky One, and Novara Media.

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