My advice for someone who is worried when he says that ‘he wants to put a baby inside her’. He says it’s a fetish and he doesn’t want to get her pregnant. Should she be worried? Is this a thing?
The guy who I’m seeing always talks about putting a baby inside me when he’s just about to cum/cumming during sex. I can’t use hormonal contraception so we use condoms. I’ve asked him about this and he says it’s just a fetish he has and he doesn’t actually want to get me pregnant, just the thought of it in that moment really turns him on. Should I be worried about this like would this be something he actually wants to do or not? I’ve never really heard of this being a thing
Great question, thanks for asking it. I think a lot of people will be wondering about this so if I can help you with a good answer then we will both be helping them too.
Fetishes are fantasies
When people have a fetish about something it is a fantasy, a story about something that helps them to get very turned on about something. So it sounds like these are just sexy thoughts and words that he likes to hear himself say in order to help him to cum, or to enjoy that moment, or whatever. Fantasies don’t reflect ‘the real us’, they are just stories which we sometimes find helpful or sexy. Sometimes these stories can be the opposite of what we actually want in reality. He is using condoms and he says that he doesn’t actually want you to get pregnant, so this is the reality. There are some people who don’t care about whether their partner gets pregnant (or gets an infection) and there are people who do it deliberately. I’ve written about partners putting you at risk here. You might want to read that just in case, but this guy doesn’t sound like that from what you’ve said.
Breeding fetish / breeding kink
I’ve heard of this kind of fetish before, some people call it a ‘breeding fetish’ or a ‘breeding kink’ I guess. And oh look, here’s a wikipedia article about it and a sex expert has talked about it. (I’ve met her but she has no idea who I am).
And look, you can see that it’s been a bit of ‘a thing’ in the last few years.
You know how this works by now. People have been into this for years, but then someone names it and then people search for it. Then it becomes ‘a thing’ and then people make ‘a name’ for themselves by making it more of ‘a thing’. Now I have to use the term ‘breeding kink’ so that the search engines might point people in my direction. Anyway, back to your question.
How to make a breeding kink more consensual
I don’t think it’s useful to think about where fetishes come from or why people have them, but I’m more interested in how we can make everything safer, more consensual, and more pleasurable. I’ve written about this recently ‘what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish’.
The issue is that he is doing this fetish / fantasy at you and not with you. It would have been better if he had talked about it with you beforehand. Like a ‘just so you know, there’s this thing I enjoy doing …. It’s a fantasy and it’s the opposite of what I actually want …. how would you feel about me saying ….’
Then you could have talked about it together, make sure that you’re on the same page as each other. Let’s say it’s a scale of 0 (don’t want to do it at all) to 10 (really really want to do it). Where are you both on the scale? If you’re low down on the scale and he is high up, is there anything you could both do to make you a bit more into it? Maybe you could have had another conversation about contraception, make sure that you are both using the condom correctly, or talked about alternatives such as internal condoms or non-hormonal contraception, or other kinds of sex that don’t involve penis in vagina sex.
If a breeding fetish is really not for you
Perhaps you’re really not into this. Do you feel able to tell him? How will he respond do you think? Is there something else you could both do instead that would be even hotter for both of you? What if you asked him to be quiet, or put your hand on his mouth, or your finger on his lips? Are there any fetishes or fantasies that would help you have a good time that might work for him? Where are the win wins for you both?
These kinds of conversations, which are all about consent and safety, also increase trust in relationships. When you have that base level of trust and security your bodies can relax a bit more, which can increase the likelihood of sex being pleasurable. So see if you can have a conversation with him, based on some of the stuff you’ve read here, and see if you can find a way of making the sex work for you both. That’s not always easy because of power in relationships and some relationships really need some work. Here’s a resource on how to have relationships and sex chats more easily which can help you.
I hope this has been helpful! Let me know if there’s more I can do.
Justin
© Justin Hancock, 2025 Find out more about me and BISH here.
BISH is run by me, Justin Hancock. I’ve been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. I’m a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. As well as BISH I also have resources, a podcast, and a coaching service for over 18s, as well as some of the best RSE teaching resources around. Find out out about my other work at justinhancock.co.uk. My work has featured (positively) in the media, like the BBC, Financial Times, The Economist, The Guardian, Sky One, and Novara Media.
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