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‘I feel guilty masturbating while thinking about celebrities’

I masturbate to porn. I also masturbate over sexy pics of famous celebrities. They haven’t necessarily consented so is what I do wrong?

Hi, I am a 16 year old guy from London; I’ll get to it straight, I masturbate to porn. But I understand that the actresses in porn consented to it knowing men out there would masturbate to them having sex. But I also find myself masturbating over memories of attractive teachers or sexy pics of famous celebrities like [ __________ ], [ ________ ] and [ __________ ]. They haven’t necessarily consented to men masturbating over them, so is what I do wrong? It’s making me feel guilty about myself.

Hey Hey

Thanks for your question – this is really interesting!

All of these people are consenting to being in public: either having sex or getting naked on camera, or being on TV, or being seen in class on the street. None of them are necessarily consenting to you thinking about them whilst masturbating – even the people in porn. They are going about their business being singers, performers, celebrities and teachers. The crucial thing is that they don’t know what you are thinking, so they aren’t being harmed.

They aren’t being harmed because you aren’t doing anything to them or with them. If you were to name the people you think about when you masturbate (I’ve removed the celebrity names you mentioned) or contact them through twitter or told them in person – that might be wrong. That would (I think) be a sexual act that involves them that they wouldn’t be consenting to. They might find that offensive, creepy or harmful because they didn’t ask you to do this. Just like if they were in the same room as you and you masturbated looking at them, that would be wrong, even if they didn’t know, because it was an act that involved (or could have involved) them.

However if there was absolutely no way of them knowing then you aren’t having sex with them. It’s a sexual act for you but not for them. If you were to ask them for their consent to masturbate that would be non-consensual and wrong because you would be involving them. So ethically, so long as you don’t tell them and your fantasies stay in your head you aren’t doing anything wrong or non-consensual. However, you might still not feel great about it.

It’s okay to have sexual fantasies. In fact most people probably have them. Sometimes they can be quite mundane and basic, sometimes they can be really complicated. Sometimes they are about you or people you might know or real people or fictional characters. Even if they are real people, you are having a sexual fantasy with your mind’s version of them, which isn’t really them. Sometimes they might not really be about people but how something might feel, or look. It could be a straightforward story or it could be something really complicated. It can be anything.Sexuality Fantasy what we do who we are. Sometimes they all overlap, sometimes not. It's okay to have a fantasy and it's okay not to act on it.

Fantasies don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to. They are a part of people’s sexualities but only one part. Sometimes our fantasies overlap with stuff that we want to do, or they overlap with how we identify, sometimes they are just separate. Having a fantasy doesn’t mean you want to act on it. Perhaps if you think about this some more you might feel more chilled about your fantasies in general.

Worry about fantasies

Hope that helps you!

Big ups

Justin

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5 thoughts on “‘I feel guilty masturbating while thinking about celebrities’

  1. I feel incredibly guilty and hope to never do it again but right now I’m feeling very regretful. I guess my problem now is watching these ‘role models’ after masturbating to them, I sort of view them in a different, awkward light. How do I stop feeling this way or stop this mindset?Should I start on a clean slate and pretend it never happened? Because after all I don’t know them personally and could never do them any harm. Thanks

  2. Hi Hi, 23F here. I also have always worried about this. For me, my alone time is more satisfying if I have someone to think about. This usually ends up being a significant other or, in lieu of one, a celebrity that I admire and find attractive. It’s the personal connection I feel with their work and personalities that get me going. Because I watch streams of them on twitch playing games and interact with the community there, I feel more guilty about it.
    However, I suppose this is no different than thinking about the cute bartender at your favorite bar. It’s just a crush right? Plain and simple?

    1. Yeah I think that the important thing to remember is that fantasies can just remain in your head and that’s okay. Just because you fantasise about someone doesn’t mean that it’s something you should do, or even might want to do. A good way of thinking about fantasies is to just to think of the people as characters in a story that you control. They may even just be symbols or (or represent) different sides of you or could just tell you interesting stories about who you desire, what you desire, and how you desire. Even if the people you think about exist in real life, when they are in your head they are fictional. Does that make sense? I made a video about this recently

      1. Hi, I just wanted to add to this, say someone like a singer or an actor/actress that I genuinely admire and look up to as a role model which is all good. But then one day I’m having sexual thoughts about them which leads to masturbating to pictures of them.. Once this is all done, how am I meant to go back to admiring them or watching/listening to them in a video without feeling guilt? A response would be appreciated thank you x

        1. I think what I said in my reply above is relevant here too. When you masturbate to a picture of someone you aren’t having sex with them, but to a thought or a story or a fantasy you have which is about them. If you still feel guilty doing it then perhaps don’t do it.

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