under age kissing - is it illegal

Ask Bish – Under Age Kissing?

A question about whether it’s against the law to snog someone who is under the age of 16.

I’m 18 and on Saturday night kissed a girl (to full extent) who it transpires is only 15. I am receiving a lot of grief from friends, but that is mostly banterous and will blow over. What I’m more concerned about is to what extent have I done something either just wrong, or illegal? The facts: I’m 18, she’s 15 I did not know her age until checking on Sunday morning, and was sufficiently drunk not to consider it as the time, as she looked much older. Any advice or help appreciated. Thank you


Thanks for your question. (I’m assuming that you are in the UK, all of this advice is about UK law).

I’ll explain the legal aspects of your question first which may sounds worrying but please carry on reading as I want to try and set your mind at rest a little.

The law

Technically, you may have broken the law under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 of having (or inciting) sexual activity with someone under the age of 16, but over the age of 13 (section 9 or 10).

Read more about sex and the law.

Sexual activity has an extremely broad definition in English Law and it doesn’t just apply to penetrative sex. It applies to any sexual touching that is sexual in nature or could be deemed to be sexual. Under this very broad definition ‘kissing’ in the way you describe, could be deemed to be sexual. Even if someone wanted and was willing to be touched, if they were under the age of 16 then the other person could be committing an offence (yes, even if they are also under the age of 16).

This website is funded by Patrons. We’re looking for a few hundred people who can subscribe from just £1 a month. Can you help?

Become a Patron!

The defence

There is a defence if the offender reasonably believed the other person to be over the age of 16. So you say that she looked a lot older and that could be a defence for you (in the very unlikely case) this got to court. Though you say that you were drunk and didn’t think about whether they were over 16, so that might not be seen as taking reasonable steps.

But but but but but but but but….

The law around under age sex is not intended to be used to prosecute young people of roughly the same age and level of understanding where the activity was truly consensual. Also it’s unlikely to be in the public interest to prosecute a temporary drunken snog at a party where there was no coercion, threats, deception or grooming.

The law is deliberately vague in order to increase the number of successful prosecutions of offences against under 16s where there is a more serious sexual activity, or where there is abuse, or offenders preying on the vulnerability of young people.

So although you may have technically broken the law, it’s very unlikely that you will be prosecuted (on the facts that you have told me).

Remember though that I am not a legal professional. If you want some legal advice speak to a solicitor.

Now for some sex and relationships advice

Try not to get too pissed when you go to parties.

Drinking and snogging are very popular activities with young people in the UK, however it can sometimes lead to problems. Would you have snogged someone under the age of 16 if you were sober (or at least less pissed)? One of the problems is that alcohol (and other drugs) can affect our judgement, in terms of safety, what we do and who we do it with.

Read more about sex and booze.

Next time you go to a party make sure that your friends are looking out for you and that you are looking out for them. Make sure that you look out for each other so that you can stop your mate doing something a bit stupid. You were worried enough to ask Bish about this so maybe you should talk to your friends about it.

You may have to put up with their piss-taking for a bit, but if they are good friends they will stop doing this if you tell them straight that it is upsetting you.

If you want to have some better sex ed, try my Teach Yourself Sex Ed course. It’s free, like everything here.

© Justin Hancock, 2021.

I have a new book! More details here.

Get an email every time I post a blog (about once a week)

If you like could you please share it with your peoples. BISH is also on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and I’ve just joined TikTok.

Do leave a comment below if you have anything you’d like to add or if you have questions. I moderate all comments before they go live. Click here to ask me a question

Click here to give me feedback about the website

If you’re an adult with cash, please consider supporting my Patreon, just £1 a month would be really helpful. If I get enough Patrons I’ll make some resources for educators too. You could also chip in directly via my PayPal. So if you could help with that I’d be very grateful. You are my only source of funding at the moment.

If you’re over 18 and really into sex ed I have a podcast you might like called Culture Sex Relationships.

If you want to teach about this stuff, don’t just show people a website – that’s kinda boring! Check out my very popular RSE resources at bishtraining.com

Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he’s taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. Find out more about Justin here

14 thoughts on “Ask Bish – Under Age Kissing?

    1. If you’re in the UK, then I think that technically it can be illegal to ask to kiss someone who is under 14. It doesn’t matter whether you were drunk or not. It’s extremely unlikely that you will be prosecuted for it I think.

  1. If someone is 16 and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend that’s 17 would he/she go to jail for any sexual touching, kissing or anything? What is the legal age of consent for teens/young adults?

    1. Laws around the world vary, but in the UK the age of consent is 16. So all this would be fine (so long as it was consensual of course). In the UK the age of consent law is for all kinds of sexual touching.

    1. Hopefully allot of people… Ten is way too young, so is under 16, I was 14 when I lost my virginity and I regretted it, it wasn’t bad I just knew I could have waited because of how overatted it is, honestly there is no rush.

      I’m a 17 year old Male

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

can you help bish

Can you support BISH?