choose a chocolate bar

How to Choose a Chocolate Bar

It can hard working out what we want, particularly from sex. Read this about how to choose a chocolate bar. I it might help you have better sex.

Note – this is all about choosing food, so if you are struggling with how you feel about food at the minute give this a miss. Also this might not be great for you if choosing things is something you struggle with a lot.

 

It’s not easy to work out what we want. There are so many rules, so many shoulds and shouldn’ts, so much pressure. Many of us have also been taught that we shouldn’t be selfish and that we should always think of others before us. This means we might grow up thinking that we aren’t entitled to ask for what we want.

So when we are trying to work out what we want to do with another person this can be a total nightmare. If we haven’t worked out what it is that we might want, and we can’t think about what we want in time, then we can just do what the other person wants to do. The bigger the thing we are choosing it, the harder it is. You know … like sex.

If this is sounding familiar to you, try this the next time you go to the shop.

Choose a Chocolate Bar – the key Qs

To make this all a bit easier try starting with something small, like a chocolate bar. If you don’t like chocolate you could go with crisps, a can of pop, or fruit (lol, just kidding). Instead of just going to the bit of the shop and grabbing the first thing you see that looks okay try slowing down and really thinking about what it is that you want.

To help, use these questions:

  • How big do you want the chocolate bar to be?
  • How chocolatey do you want it to be?
  • Do you want white, milk, or dark chocolate? Think of this as a spectrum
  • Do you want some other flavours too? Like caramel, fruit, raisins (that’s a fruit) nuts, biscuit, nougat (that’s the bit in a Double Decker that hurts your teeth if you eat it upside down. Don’t do that),
  • Think about the texture. Light and airy? Crumbly? Crunchy? Chewy? Or do you want a solid, chunky bite of chocolate?
  • Do you want the whole chocolate bar to be super sweet or a bit more bitter?
  • Do you want to try something totally new, or do you want something you know you like, or do you want to try something you haven’t had in years? (bring back Fuse bars please Cadbury’s)
  • How much do you want to spend?
  • Do you have any ethical considerations? Like, is it fair trade cocoa and sugar? Are you boycotting the parent company?

If you get some serious FOMO, just gently remind yourself that it’s okay if you don’t get it totally right this time around. There’s always next time.

If you’re really struggling to work out what you want, you could think about what you definitely don’t want. Thinking about things you definitely don’t want can help you to think about the kinds of things that you do want in a chocolate bar.

OMG yes, not for me, hmmm. A yes no maybe guide for working out what sex you might want.

All the different kinds of sex you can choose from …

It Can Be Hard to Choose a Chocolate

I try doing this every time I buy a bar of chocolate. I can tell you that this is not easy! If the shopkeeper is right there I can feel their eyes burning into my head. I get very flustered. I pick things up and put them down again. I worry about getting in people’s way. I get concerned about what people must think of me. I might have been standing there for about 30 seconds, but it feels like hours.

What I find helpful here is to imagine that I’m buying the chocolate for someone (else) that I love. I find that gives me permission to stand there a bit longer. Sometimes I try to think about what I would like to have before I get to the shop. Sometimes if I can’t see something that I want I will just walk away.

Sometimes I let those thoughts get in the way and I get something that I didn’t actually want. But sometimes I give myself time, and try to ignore the critical thoughts, I find the thing I’m looking for and it’s great. Because I’ve made all this effort buying the chocolate bar, I will sit down and try to eat it really slowly and try to enjoy it as much as I possibly can and only think about how the chocolate bar tastes, feels, sounds like and looks like.

how to do self care

How to keep doing you

Doing This With Someone Else

We often choose to do something with someone where we are both sharing the same activity. It might not be choosing a bar of chocolate, but it could be sharing a pizza, or watching a film together (or, you know, having sex). So try to go through the kinds of questions for this as you now do everytime you choose a chocolate bar.

Trying to work out what you really want can be hard when it’s just chocolate and just you. Imagine how hard it is for other stuff. The key is to admit that this is going to be hard and to try to give yourself time to work out what it is that you want. Knowing what the other person wants can help you to work out what you want to do. Sometimes it can be great to do something for someone else but try not to just do what the other person wants all the time.

If you know what you want, try not to get frustrated if someone else can’t tell you what you want. Just try to help them by giving them some time. You could suggest questions that might help them to work out what they want. Asking what they don’t want can be a good start because it’s easier for people to say that.

Remember that it’s easier for some people to work out what they want than others, this is because they have had more practice, are more allowed to, and so have more power.

How we can deal with power in relationships by effective consensual communication

What if you have more power to decide what you want?

And here’s how to make sure anything you decide to do is consensual

Are You a Teacher?

If you want a killer activity you can use in your workshops based on the ideas in this blog, buy my new Consent Teaching Pack download over at Bish Training.

© Justin Hancock, 2018


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