what's the best sex position for you? The Bish guide

What’s The Best Sex Position For You?

There is no best sex position, it’s about finding the best one for you. This is about the basics, why people like particular positions but why it is different from person to person.

‘What’s the best sex position?’ is one of the most frequently asked questions I get. My answer is that there is no ‘best’ for everyone.

Positions aren’t all that

The most important thing to know is that there are no magic positions. It can be fun to think about and it can be good to try new things now and again but the most important thing is to do it in a position that feels good for both of you.

Because we all have different bodies, different shape and size genitals and have different kinds of sex there is never going to be one position that works for everyone.

So it’s a good idea whilst you’re talking about what kind of touch and sex you actually like, that you chat about which positions you might both like too. The best sex position is the one that works for you both.

Positions can be for everyone

You’ll notice that these drawings aren’t a particular sex or gender: that’s not just because I’m crap at drawing, it’s deliberate. All couples (no matter what sex, gender or sexual identity) can do all of these positions, unless you aren’t mobile enough due to injury or disability to do some of them. I’ll explain as I go through.

Sex positions are particularly relevant for people who have entry sex (eg penis or sex toy in vagina or anus) because a lot of it is to do with how to position your genitals against or inside someone else’s. All positions can be slightly altered depending on what kind of sex you’re having: for example, vaginal or anal sex.

Sex positions aren’t just about entry sex 👉 👌. They can work for you if mutual masturbation, or body rubbing. or grinding are your thing too.

Face to face positions

Bish sex positions face to face

Face to face positions are very popular. Often in this position the person on top is the person entering the other person with their penis/sex toy. As you can see this couple’s bodies are very close together, which can feel good. Their heads are very close together so they can snog, chat, whisper and feel each other breathing. All that closeness and eye contact means this can feel very intimate for some people. It’s also much easier to talk about how things are going and to check that they are happy. For that reason this might be the best sex position for you if you are new to having sex, or having sex with someone for the first time.

Some of the problems for this position are: the person on top is too heavy for the person on the bottom, it can get a bit too hot and sweaty. It can be difficult to move quicly, for entry sex it might not be at the right angle to be comfortable or to be very deep. To get around this the person on the bottom can raise their hips a bit. Anal sex is easier to do in this position (yes, anal sex isn’t just done from behind). It’s also not easy to masturbate with hands in this position.

On top positions

Bish sex positions riding on top

These are positions where (if they are having entry sex) the person being entered is on top. This is good for people who want to remain in control over how quickly and how deeply they are being entered by their partner. They can slowly ease themselves down and slowly move their body. They are also able to touch their external genitals (eg penis or clitoris) which can feel really good.

Some people aren’t fans of being up there on show for their partner, but some people are really into that. You’re allowed to turn the lights down or keep a top on if you want. If the person on top is bouncing on the other person’s penis then they may worry that they could damage their penis. More on how to go on top here

Not on top

Bish sex positions not on top

Some people don’t want to sit or be sat on. It might feel uncomfortable or too restrictive. Having sex whilst sitting or lying down can help many people to have the stimulation they need because it’s easier to access the genitals with hands or toys. This is also great for people with some kinds of disability. It’s possible to have entry sex in these positions but it’s also good for rubbing genitals together or masturbation.

Read: What is Queer Sex?

From behind

Bish sex positions from behind

Positions where one person enters the other person from behind can feel very different. Many people find that it makes for deeper entry and can stimulate them internally in a very different way. The angle can be changed a bit if the person on the bottom lies down or sits up a bit more. That can feel more comfortable for some people depending on the size and shape of their genitals.

Some people aren’t into these positions at all though. It can be quite difficult to communicate what people do and don’t like in this position simply because they are facing away from each other and their heads aren’t close together. So it’s difficult to see someone’s face and more difficult to hear them.


Bish sex positions spoons

Spooning is another from behind position. Some find that it’s difficult having entry sex this way but like it because they can masturbate in this position – people who can do both often really like it. Kissing and whispering can happen in this position too which is more difficult to do in the ‘doggy’ style position above.

Please leave a (nice) comment below if you like or ask me a question here.

© Justin Hancock, 2024 Find out more about me and BISH here.

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I’ve been a sex and relationships educator since 1999 (with a background in youth and community work). In that time I’ve taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. I’ve worked with many charities, local governments, schools and youth organisations facilitating training and workshops. My two books, Enjoy Sex (How, When, and If You Want To) and Can We Talk About Consent? are widely available around the world. I’ve been on the telly and the radio and have written articles for newspapers and magazines. I’m also a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. Read more about me and BISH here. Find out about my other work here Justin Hancock

If you’re over 18 and would like an advanced version of BISH check out my podcast Culture Sex Relationships. Also I’ve written a sex advice book for adults with Meg-John Barker called A Practical Guide to Sex available wherever you get books. We also did some zines to help you to figure out what you want from sex and relationships. They are at our website.

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