Make Sex Last Longer

How to deal with premature ejaculation and how to make sex last longer.

So one of the most frequently asked questions I get from men is ‘how can I make sex last longer before I come?’ Men often want sex to last longer but the average time it takes to ejaculate is under 5 minutes.

Read: How to be Good at Sex

Most guys (with penises) don’t have, what a doctor would call, premature ejaculation: some people come before putting their penis inside someone and sometimes even before that. Some people have the opposite condition called retarded ejaculation, which can cause sweatiness, blue balls and bad backs. Try some of these things below, if that doesn’t help you contact your local GUM clinic and talk to them about seeing a psycho-sexual counsellor who can really help. A GP may also be able to help with actual premature ejaculation – coming in a matter of seconds rather than minutes).

Read: Should Men Last Longer at Sex?

[On a side note, there are a lot of companies who sell products that claim to help with sexual issues such as premature ejaculation and erection problems: they are usually completely bogus, unethical, untested and a waste of money. You can get help, for free, for any sexual problem you might have. As I said just now, you can go to your local sexual health clinic or talk to your GP. For more on this click here for Dr Petra’s blog post on this: she really knows her stuff.]

Tactical w*nk

If you masturbate and ejaculate an hour or two before you plan on having sex then it means that you will last longer when you have sex. As seen in the film ‘There’s Something About Mary’. People tell me this is called a tactical wank.

How to enjoy solo sex more

Use a condom

Condoms can reduce the sensation of sex a little bit, this should help you last longer. Try thicker condoms or condoms with a delaying action (see here for more)

Give it a squeeze

If you start having entry sex and feel like you are going to come really early you can pull your penis out and give it a quick squeeze just under the bell end. This should give you a few more seconds or minutes of fun.

Tense up

You know when you go for a pee and you need to stop for some reason, the muscles that you use to do that (they kind of feel like they are up your arse), are the same ones you can use to prevent you from coming. So try it during sex and see if that works.

Start/Stop w*nking

This involves masturbating in your spare time in order to train your brain into working out when you are really turned on and about to come. Practice doing this when solo and it might work when you are with someone.

You should masturbate until you get very near that point when you normally come, then stop, think about something that turns you off, (like cricket). Once you feel that your orgasm / ejaculation is receding then start up again and repeat the process.

Mindful w*nking

Linked to the last bit of advice there are other ways to practice through masturbating. Instead of masturbating towards orgasm, try to focus on what is actually happening to your body. Notice the tiny sensations in your body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. Notice what happens and just try to enjoy it rather than thinking about what might happen next. If you do this you will be more in tune to your body when you have sex and you may even be able to have orgasms without ejaculating.

Learn about how to have orgasms without ejaculating

Practice helps

Sex is better in relationships and the more you do it the better it gets. It also means that you’ll be more comfortable with your body and with each other and less likely to freak out about it.

You don’t need an erection to have good sex

Here’s the best tip for you: sex does not have to mean penetration! This means you don’t need a hard on to have or enjoy sex. Either do loads of other stuff, or use your hands, and remember sex doesn’t stop when one of you has an orgasm (and great sex doesn’t have to include orgasms at all). Keep playing and pleasuring your partner until you’re feeling it again.

You might go soft after coming (that is the refractory period, which almost all people with penises have, it’s normal and lasts for 10 to 30 minutes) but after a few minutes of kissing or pleasuring your partner or a great cup of tea, you can get hard again.

Do you have to make sex last longer at all?

Instead of trying to make your body do something that you think is ‘normal’ maybe just try to enjoy what your body can do. Sometimes you might be so determined to last longer that you end up not really enjoying sex very much at all. Better to have a really enjoyable couple of minutes than a not very enjoyable 20 minutes right? Who says you have to last longer at all?

Learn more about sex!

Hard Ons are random, they come and they go. It’s chill.

What Sex Do You Enjoy? – do you even like the kind of sex that is making you come really quick? Find out what you actually like instead.

How To Be Good at Sex – it’s got nothing to do with lasting longer. It’s just one thing you need to learn.

© Justin Hancock, 2022

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If you’re over 18 and really into sex ed I have a podcast you might like called Culture Sex Relationships.

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Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he’s taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. He’s a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. Find out more about Justin here