Whether under age sex against the law is different to what actually happens. I explain more here.
I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 months (we are both 15) and have started to have consensual and protected sex. I know you have said it is highly unlikely that any underage consented sex involving people of similar ages would be prosecuted, but what will happen when I turn 16 and she is still 15? Would this be considered statutory rape? And if so, would I be prosecuted if we were found out? Thanks for the unbiased and informative advice, it’s truly been very helpful.
Hiya. Thanks for the nice thing you said. That’s great to hear.
Thanks for your question too. I like questions.
So there’s a difference between what the law says about sex under 16 and what actually happens in practice.
The law (Sexual Offences Act 2003 s.9 – s.13) says that you can’t have sexual activity with someone under the age of 16. She’s having sex with a 15 year old and so are you so you are both breaking the law. When you turn 16 it will just be you breaking the law because she’ll be having sex with someone is 16 and you’ll be having sex with someone who is 15. You can be guilty of these offences even if you are under 18 although the penalties for people found guilty of this are more serious for over 18s (s.13).
That’s what the law says, but this is what the Crown Prosecution Service says about what actually happens in practice:
“children of the same or similar age are highly unlikely to be prosecuted for engaging in sexual activity, where the activity is mutually agreed and there is no abuse or exploitation.” (quote taken from here)
So, from what you’ve said, it sounds like it would be highly unlikely for you to be prosecuted, even though you’ll be the only person breaking the law. Young people your age are sometimes prosecuted for these offences but only in cases of abuse, non-consent, coercion, abuse of power, big age gaps, bullying or harassment. So long as your relationship isn’t any of those things then the police won’t press charges.
I hope that gives you the information you need.
You might want to maybe chat with each other about this? Perhaps you could both read this response together?
Also do you chat to your parents/carers about your relationship? Parents react in different ways to hearing that their kids are in sexual relationships but mostly they are pretty supportive (in my experience).
Hope this helps.
Justin
This happened many years ago. I am 23 now, but I have been really worrying about what I did when I was younger. When I was 16 in year 11, I had a boyfriend in year 10, and he was 15. (We were in a gay relationship). I never knew there were laws in place because no one ever educated me on it. We were openly in a relationship to my friends. I really did love him or thought I did at that age when you’re young and not really knowing what love is.
I went to his house only once, and we gave each other oral sex. He also penetrated me briefly, but it wouldn’t have been longer than 1 minute, I asked him to take it out because I wasn’t actually ready and I didn’t want it to happen. This only ever happened once. I never saw him again after that, and then we broke up some time after that happened.
I can see now that what I did was legally wrong, and I’ve broken the law. But I didn’t know that back then. I am feeling so guilty about what happened, I was young and vulnerable, I really didn’t know that there was this law.
I know I’ve broken the law, but I need to know if i will get in trouble for what I’ve done. I don’t know if this makes my case better but I remember him being the one that wanted to get sexual with me, and he was the one that penetrated me, he initiated that, I didn’t know what I was doing.
Please can you help me, I can’t eat and I haven’t showered myself. I know you said to other people that if a parent gets involved they could report them to the police. Could I go to jail for what I’ve done all of those years ago? I’m a good person and I have never ever hurt anyone like that. I would never do anything against consent and I never pressured him to do anything. Please help me.
It’s technically against the law, but nothing is going to happen to you so try not to worry. The police and prosecution only use this law when there is evidence that the relationship was non-consensual or abusive in some way. You were a similar age and from the way you communicated with each other it sounds like it was pretty consensual. Millions of people have been in your position and nothing bad happens (last time I checked around a third of young people have sex before they reach 16). So please try to chill breathe and forget about this. There’s more here about how to deal with stress but if you continue to have these troubling thoughts can I suggest you speak to someone in real life about it? A trusted friend, relative, or even a counsellor or other professional. Professionals have a strict code of conduct to keep your conversations private. The only time they have to tell someone is if someone is at an immediate and serious risk of harm (which no-one is here). Hope you find that helpful. Justin
Dear Justin, thank you so much for helping me, I’m almost crying now knowing that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that what I did wasn’t wrong.
Can I just ask one more question? I’ve also been internalising what I’ve done for years and calling myself a paedophile since he was 15 (age of not being able to give consent) and I was 16 (legal age of consent). I’m not a paedo am I? He was my boyfriend at the time, and I really did my best to try to be good to him. I never hurt him.
And thank you so much for replying to me so fast. I’ve been working on learning how to forgive myself by trying to google ways to forgive myself for what I’ve done, and I may try to find a therapist to see if they can help make me feel better and help me forgive myself too.
I have also reached out to that ex boyfriend last night on Facebook messenger and asked him if I was good to him and made him happy and if I ever hurt him, so I can also get a bit of closure from him too. (I’m not sure if he will reply, but I think just the act alone of trying to make sure everything is okay will be good enough for me).
Thank you so much for everything, I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me. I think I may finally be able to let go of this extreme guilt and heartbreak that I’ve been carrying around for so long, and just pushing it back down until I’ve finally been able to get help from yourself recently.
I wish you all the best, what you do helping people, is absolutely incredible. Please keep on being amazing, you’re helping people to rebuild their lives 🙂
Being attracted to someone who is a year younger than you does not make you a paedophile. The law is there to protect people from abuse. Confusingly (in the UK at least) the age of consent is different, legally speaking, to consent. As I said in the last message, the police and prosecution are more likely to prosecute if there is evidence of non-consent, even if it’s under the age of consent. It’s confusing!
I think that you’ll be better off just trying to move forward rather than contacting your ex. I’ve got various tools here that might help you, such as this one about how you feel about yourself and this one about how to feel a bit better about yourself, but as you say a therapist might help you. Particularly if you find yourself having these kinds of thoughts and would like to be more able to let go of them more easily.
Thanks for being nice about the work I do, that’s very kind. If you could help share my page about how to support BISH that would be amazing, but I appreciate that might not be possible for you.
Justin
Hi I’m 16 and my boyfriends 15 (we have a 4 month age difference) and we’re long distance. We got together about a month ago and we’ve both expressed a desire to be intimate with one another when we meet up. We’re meeting up in just over 2 weeks and we won’t see each other for another 5 months at least. I’ve asked my friends if its okay to be intimate together because we don’t know the next time we’ll see each other and I got mixed responses but a lot of them were positive and said we should do it. I just don’t know what to do, should we do it? will I be prosecuted later?
It’s very unlikely that you’ll be prosecuted for this. The police investigate under age sex offences when the age gap was big, or if there was a power imbalance, or if there was a lack of consent. So perhaps you could both chat about your relationship and how you will bring in as much consent (freedom to choose) as possible. There’s loads on here about consent so have a look at these articles (I also wrote a book about consent). Practically speaking, it’s usually the parents who make a complaint about this to police, so you might just want to make sure that your parents are okay with you seeing each other. I know that’s an awkward conversation, but you don’t have to go into detail about what you want to do, just that you ‘want to hang out together alone in our room, you know ….’ Hope you find that helpful. Justin
Hi, when I was 15, my girl used to be 14, she used to ask me to touch her sexually, so like a normally guy would do during puberty I did. She always wanted me to touch, until she went and told that she was abused. I don’t know what to do now?
I’m not sure I can give you very much good advice here I’m afraid, without knowing more about the situation. I’ve got a couple of advice articles which is from the other side of things which might give you some perspective? Making Him Accountable For Abuse and Did I Consent?
i’m 16, me and my partner have been together for 7 years now but he is 15 and we do things like kiss it is agreed by both of us but what happens if police find out?
Well, as I said above, it’s highly unlikely that the police would investigate it. It’s even more unlikely that it would be prosecuted. It’s even even more unlikely that you would be found guilty of anything. They only use this law to prevent abusive situations happening.
I have just turned 18 and I am in year 13 at school, there is a boy at my school who’s in year 10 (he turns 15 next week) our age gap is 3 years and 1 month.
I first met him on the school bus, our entire school wears school uniform so it’s hard to tell who is in what year but when I first saw him I thought he was new in six form, he’s very tall over 6 foot and easily looks 18, he seems older too as he hangs out with boys in my year as they play football together.
Anyway I always see him on the school bus and we became friends, he then started saying he liked me but I said he was too young for me, he kept texting me things like ‘I know you want me’ and I kept saying ‘no you are too young for me’
Fast forward a couple of weeks he got off the bus near my house (he was going to a friends near by) and he kissed me, it completely took me by surprise but I stupidly kissed him back. About a week later we got invited to the same
As I’ve said, any kind of sex with someone under the age of 16 is illegal. Whether you will be prosecuted depends on what the local police and prosecutors say. If there was evidence that you were the one pressuring him, or treating him consensually then they would be more likely to want to prosecute. The fact it was the other way round, and only happened once, and didn’t involve penetrative sex means that they are less likely to prosecute too. That’s all the information I have for you about it though. If the boy (or the boy’s parents) have reported it and the police investigate then I would advise speaking to a solicitor.
Hi I’m a 16 year old male and my girlfriend(18 coming to 19) We been having sexual interaction but not fully me and her want marriage and kids but I don’t want her getting in trouble what should I do? Is it okay todo it with my consent or are there other procedures?
If you’re asking about the law then this depends on where you live. If you’re in the UK (where I am) then it is totally legal for you to have sex. If you’re thinking about how to have sex you might want to visit this page How To Have Sex
Hi i am a 16 year old female and i have a boyfriend who is 15 (but technically we only have a 10 month age difference). We have had sex only once but not in a general sense, just one in and out and thats it. We also do other stuff (im sure you can take a wild guess). All of it is completely consensual, encouraged if anything by my partner but i feel a little insecure because i sometimes feel guilty about what we are doing because of the ages and consent laws, is what im doing genuinely wrong or is it more morally wrong because i have many conflicting feelings about this?
Great question. It’s a tricky area because usually the behaviour that is ethical and moral is higher than the legal standard. So I can totally understand why you are feeling insecure about it. The law is meant to be there to protect young people, but you are both young people. So I find it helpful to look at what the CPS (the Crown Prosecution Service) say about this and they say that the law is not intended to criminalise consensual behaviour for young people in a relationship, which describes you. (FYI, technically the law also applies to any kinds of sex, but they are even less likely to prosecute non-penetrative sex).
But what to do about it? If, even after reading this, you’re still feeling insecure then you could maybe wait for a bit? Or do other things that aren’t sexual together that makes you feel connected and is fun and exciting. Can you have a conversation with your boyfriend about what kinds of sex feel okay for you at the moment and what doesn’t? Try this resource and see if this helps you OMG Yes, No, Hmm: work out what kind of sex you like
Okay so I am in a female-to-female “relationship” (fwb) (it is complicated) I just turned 18 today and she is 15 years old. I am worried about things for legal reasons. She wants me to do things (oral sex, fingering, making out, etc.) and I want to do those things for her, trust me, but now I have to deal with legal reasons and wondering what it would be considered now that I am 18. She gives full consent and I ask her multiple times throughout, but I am worried that no matter what I do now, it will just be considered assault or rape. Please give me some advice and tell me how to best go about this situation with as much detail as possible. I never want to be seen as a rapist, especially if it is just an age issue and not a consent issue. Please help.
Hi. Legally speaking, in the UK, if you have sex with an under 16 year old then you’d be breaking the law of under age sex (it’s not rape or sexual assault, that’s separate). This means any kind of sexual activity but the more naked and genital it is the more serious it’s taken. Generally speaking, in cases where people are of similar maturity, in a consensual relationship, prosecutions are unlikely. However this is left up the discretion of the Police and we’d hope that they’d behave proportionately and sensibly and without discrimination or prejudice affecting their judgement (which they don’t always do). Whenever I hear about cases that do get prosecuted it’s because the relationship was abusive or non-consensual, or because someone else wasn’t happy about it (often a parent) and it was reported. So depending on your circumstances you may want to think about waiting for a bit, or discussing this with your FWB. Hope that’s helpful. Justin
hey it’s not my case but there is a part that got me curious in your reply if you don’t mind.
you said “because someone else wasn’t happy about it (often a parent)”,and my question in that case even if the relation is consensual ,not abusive…ect,does such prosecution because “someone else reported it (often parent)” usually happen,even if unlikely, in cases like op when it’s 18/19+15 relation or also when it’s 16/17+15.
I’m afraid I can’t tell you how usual this is I’m afraid. I know that it mostly depends on the discretion of the investigating officers and whether there might be any other factors involved.
my friend has been having consensual sex with a 17 year old (born in 2006) and she is 15 (born in 2007) and her mum has found out and phoned the police on him will he get into trouble from the police or would he just get a warning or fine?
It’s hard to say and I’m not well placed to give a definite answer. It depends on the particular circumstances of the case. You can have a look at the CPS guidelines yourself under the heading Code for Crown Prosecutors (Sections 9-13 SOA 2003) here https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/rape-and-sexual-offences-chapter-7-key-legislation-and-offences#:~:text=If%20a%20child%20is%20under,9%20%2D%2012%20should%20be%20charged.
Hi my name is Christine and am turning 16 this April is it illegal for me to have sex with my boyfriend who is four years older than me.
Hiya. It’s not illegal for you but it would be for him. There’s more here on age gap relationships Age Gap Relationships
Hello, Im 19 and my gf is 15 she is gonna turn 16 in a month and i turned 19 a month ago and we didn’t have sex but we were in love we talk a-lot we hangout a-lot i have been to her house multiple times will these be an issue? Or will i get in trouble if i love an underage girl?
It depends where you are in the world to be honest. But in the UK, if you wait until your gf is over 16 before you have sex with each other, then you won’t be breaking the law.
me and my boyfriend are both 15, we have been having unprotected sex and i need to take a pregnancy test. what will happen if i am pregnant? will my baby be taken away if i choose to continue with the pregnancy or could we both be put on the sex offenders list?
Hi. If you are pregnant you would be given the same choices and options as anyone else. It depends on your living situation and how much care you can give to a child. You wouldn’t be put on the sex offenders list.
I’m 15 and my girlfriend is 13, will I get into trouble for having dry sex?
I can’t tell you if you will get into trouble, because that depends on the nature of the relationship, whether it is consensual and respectful and not abusive. It is technically against the law, but as I explain in the article, it’s not likely that the police will get involved.
I’m 17 and my girlfriend is 15, there’s a year and a half between us if we had sex would I get into legal trouble or put on the sex offenders register?
As I’ve explained, it would be illegal but if it’s consensual and there’s no abuse of power then the police are unlikely to prosecute
In England is it illegal to have oral sex with a girl who is 15 years old turning 16 very soon and the boy has just turned 16 for a day and it is fully consential , same school year as this happens a lot and people don’t even think about it and I am wondering if there is any legal punishments or anything
It’s technically illegal but as I say in the article, it’s very unlikely to be prosecuted if it was consensual
Hi Justin. Just over 3 years ago on holiday in Spain, I had consensual sex with a girl I met, I was 17, she was 15. We got to know each other well over that week and did a lot of (non sexual) stuff together as well, we were good friends. But it’s probably something we both regret in hindsight and I’m just worried I/we might get in trouble? Thank you.
Hiya. If the relationship was as you say it was (fun, consensual, friendly) then you aren’t going to get in trouble. Although technically you still broke the law in Spain, prosecutions are saved for when there is abuse, non-consent, violence, etc. Hope that helps! Justin
Okay thank you. I have one other question.
We kept in touch afterwards as well. The fact that the age gap was just over 2 years I turned 18 before she turned 16 and we sometimes had conversations of sexual nature (sexting). I’m scared I could get in trouble for sexual communications with a child. Again it wasn’t coercive or manipulative or exploitative, I know it was a stupid thing to do but for some reason I thought it would it be OK as I knew her before I turned 18? Thank you.
If it’s not coercive or manipulative or exploitative then you are unlikely to get prosecuted for it. Here’s a useful link about sexting and the law http://yjlc.uk/cps-guidance-youth-produced-sexual-imagery/
Thanks! It says they wouldn’t prosecute if the ages are similar. Would they consider 15 and just turned 18 to be too big of an age gap?
Thanks again.
That’s up to them. Have a read of this and scroll a little to the section saying ‘code for Crown prosecutors’ https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/rape-and-sexual-offences-chapter-7-key-legislation-and-offences#a16
I’m 16 and I have got my girlfriend pregnant and she is 15 what will happen ??
As I said above, It’s not likely that you will be prosecuted for under age sex if you are a similar age and there was no evidence of abuse or non-consensual stuff going on. However if you were trying to get her pregnant, or really not caring about whether she got pregnant or not, or you didn’t give her a choice as to whether she could avoid pregnancy or not, then they could prosecute you. However if you are boyfriend and girlfriend and this was just an honest mistake (or something that you both actually wanted) then you are very unlikely to be prosecuted.
It’s her choice whether she continues with the pregnancy or not. She can get help and support about her decision from sexual health services (find your nearest one here). If she does then you are financially responsible for that child, even if you care for the child or not. There’s more about that here and here. If you are in education or training you will be exempt from payments until you are over 18. Then you will have to pay according to your income.
I’m 15 and my boyfriend is 16 turning 17. I just want to know could he be arrested and is it wrong for him to be having sex with me once he’s 17? If it’s mutually consensual and no coercion or harm is coming from it? Would the police care and would it be taken in the public interest if anyone found out?
I’m pretty sure I’ve answered that above. See also sex and the law.
Me and my gf have known each other for going on 8 years and we officially became a couple last year she is 13 and turning 14 in a couple weeks and I’m 15 turning 16 later this year we live in USA ohio is it ok if we have sex? Even just touching each other/masturbatubg each other?
So I think it’s technically against the law but it looks like in Ohio you won’t be prosecuted.
“Ohio has a close-in-age exemption. A close in age exemption, also known as “Romeo and Juliet law”, is designed to prevent the prosecution of underage couples who engage in consensual sex when both participants are significantly close in age to each other, and one or both are below the age of consent.
Depending on the situation, the Ohio close-in-age exemption may completely exempt qualifying close-in-age couples from the age of consent law, or merely provide a legal defence that can be used in the event of prosecution.” https://www.ageofconsent.net/states/ohio
So my girlfriend is 15 and I’m 16, we weren’t planing on having sexual intercourse however we were planning on masturbating each other and stuff like that….. is that illegal even if intercourse wouldn’t happen?
Technically it would be illegal for you (in the UK) because you are 16. Under age sex applies to pretty much any kind of sex. However the Police have been instructed not to prosecute under age sex where there are clearly no signs of coercion, power imbalance, abuse, or lack of consent. More on this here
I’m 13 and I have sex with someone who is 14. Is it illegal?
It depends where you are in the world, but in the UK the answer is yes. However, as I explain here it would be unusual for the Police to prosecute.
I am 15 and my boyfriend is 16 and his dad is threatening to go to the police even tho we haven’t done anything sexual is he going to get into trouble?
The Police will only be interested in prosecuting a case if there was evidence of a power imbalance, lack of consent, threats or anything like that. Also, as you say, there has to have been sex (of some kind). Why is the dad threatening to go to the police?
Hi, i am 16 years old and my girlfriend is 14 years old.She is two years younger than me. If we were to partake in sexual activity would I be breaking the law and if we were found out would charges be pressed?
Hi
As I said above, it would depend on the view of anyone investigating. Usually this kind of age gap relationship would only be investigated if there was any suspected abuse, non-consensual behaviour, bullying or harassment. A lot of this is down to the opinion of the local Police or social services too.
I guess the thing for you to think about is how you can make sure that you are as consensual as possible at all times. That means giving your girlfriend lots of options and making sure that you are always thinking about whether she is wanting to be in this kind of relationship at all. There are lots of posts here to help you with that. https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/power-in-relationships/ https://www.bishuk.com/sex/first-time-sex/ https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/talking-about-talking/ https://www.bishuk.com/about-you/metoo-useful-things-men-can/ and loads more.
Justin
I have a boyfriend who is 16 and I am 15 (there’s only a year difference) we are having sex and we both agree to it.Is this illegal
Yes technically your boyfriend would be breaking the law. But if you both are clearly agreeing to do it and you’re in a relationship it’s very unlikely that you will get into trouble.
I’m16 and me and this girl who is 15 have bin off and on for a couple of weeks and we are having sex but there’s this one time where she didn’t fully give consent and is regretting it what should I do and how can I get in trouble
If she didn’t fully give consent then it’s against the law (and wrong) no matter what age she is. Can I suggest that you read some of the articles on here about consent. http://www.bishuk.com/tag/consent/ Perhaps you could ask her how she is feeling, say you are sorry for fucking up and ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better (which could include leaving her alone). Hope that’s useful.