Ask Bish - Your Sex and Relationships Questions Answered

He Doesn’t Like To Go On Top and I Don’t Know How

If you have different kinds of sex then it’s easier to do it in a position that you both find comfortable. So if he doesn’t like to go on top then it’s chill.

i have a close friend and I’m going to his place tomorrow and he wants to try sex and i don’t know how to go on top but he doesn’t like to be on top either what should i do?

Hiya. You know, neither of you have to be on top. I keep saying it all the time and I’m boring myself to be honest, sex doesn’t have to be penis in vagina or penis in anus. If you have different kinds of sex then it’s easier to do it in a position that you both find comfortable.

What’s the best position for you?

So, for instance, if you masturbate each other you can lie down next to each other, or you could lock your legs together (so one of your legs is inside his for instance). You could go on top but massage him or stroke him rather than have entry sex (like penis in vagina or anus).

How do I go on top?

If you are wanting to go on top you sit with your knees either side of your partner so that your bits are lined up with his. If it feels good and you feel relaxed, really turned on, lubricated (either naturally or with additional lubricant) you can take hold of his penis and insert it inside you whilst you also move your hips down. Then let go of the penis and slowly move in which ever direction feels comfortable for you both.

What does Top and Bottom mean?

This could be something that you explore together. When people have sex they don’t always work out absolutely everything in advance, because you often don’t really know how something is going to feel before you try it. So rather than thinking what position you want to do it in in advance maybe think about how you can both try to communicate what you might want to try and what you need to do this.

Also think about how you can give each other the option of saying ‘nah’ ‘can we try something different, or ‘this isn’t really doing it for me.’ Remember sex isn’t about one person doing something to another, it’s about people agreeing to do something together.

In order for it to be enjoyable sex you need to be able to have a bit of communication and also enough closeness to make it ok. If you have concerns about this you may also have concerns about whether you are really ready to have sex, or whether you want to have sex with him? In which case I encourage you to read some of these links here.

Hope this helps


Should I Have Sex should help you to do a bit of hard thinking about whether you want to have sex or not

OMG Yes, No, Maybe a guide to some of the other kinds of sex you both want to have

How to Sex Talk how to talk about what you do and don’t want with words and other things

How to Be An Amazing Lover without actually having sex – things you can do without necessarily being ‘on top’

How to Have Sex some other tips about how you can actually do it

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