Reassuring and useful audio advice for a reader who can’t get hard (it’s not because of porn).
So I and my girlfriend have been together for about a year now, after we met last year in sixth form. We initially held off having sex, but we tried to do it yesterday. I thought it would be great, but last night I just couldn’t get a full erection. I told her I was just tired, maybe nervous, but she didn’t like it and thought I didn’t find her attractive. I don’t know why that happened, I do find her attractive, and I don’t know what to do about it. I usually can get an erection when masturbating or to porn, could that be causing a problem, coz I read on this website called yourbrainonporn about porn-induced ed?? Please tell me what I can do Bish, cheers, I just don’t want this to happen again next time u know?
I answered this as a kind of podcast!
Read more about hard ons. They are random and respond really quickly to stress. So if you are stressing about your body and your relationship then that is going to kill your boner quickly.
There are lots of different kinds of sex that don’t require an erection (and can be just as enjoyable or even more enjoyable). Putting less pressure on a penis to get hard means that it’s actually more likely that penises will get hard.
© Justin Hancock, 2026 Find out more about me and BISH here. If you’re an educator, head to my website BISH training, to find out about my resources for SRE and training for practitioners.
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BISH is run by me, Justin Hancock. I’ve been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. I’m a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. As well as BISH I also have resources, a podcast, and a coaching service for over 18s, as well as some of the best RSE teaching resources around. Find out out about my other work at justinhancock.co.uk. My work has featured (positively) in the media, like the BBC, Financial Times, The Economist, The Guardian, Sky One, and Novara Media.
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Other websites you might find helpful
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Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he’s taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. Find out more about Justin here
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