The university / home long distance relationship can be a hard one to maintain — but it’s totally possible. Ask each other these super real questions to help you.
As I talk about in my article about long distance relationships, the university long distance relationship is a hard one. The reason it’s hard is because one or both of you will meet so many different kinds of people. You’ll find out loads of new ideas and thoughts. You’ll be exposed to new music, art, clothes, cultures. You may have strong relationships with people that can feel like a whole other world. This can be really tough to deal with.
So prepare yourselves by answering these questions together. You could copy and paste it into a shared google doc and answer it there together maybe? Or just ask each other via text or in person. Let me know if it’s helpful! If you’re looking for some advice on how to do relationships check out my Guide to Relationships post.
Communication
How are we going to try to communicate?
- Chat during the day on WhatsApp/Messenger
- Make a time to chat each day on text
- Video chats before going to sleep
- Regular phone calls
- Leave each other updates on what’s going on for us (like via email or voice message)
- Chat on the weekly
- Mostly chat when we are back home
- Other
Also try this on how to negotiate your relationship and also this one about how to talk about talking!
Sex
(If it’s a sexual relationship) are we going to keep having sex? If so, how?
- Pics
- Videos
- Tell each other stories
- Send each other porn
- Find time to masturbate together
- Save it all up for when we’re together
Meeting up
How often are we going to see each other?
- Christmas/Easter/Summer
- All holidays plus reading week
- Every other weekend
- Every weekend
Are we going to visit each other at Uni?
- No, keep this a home thing
- Yes but just to see each other
- Yes we could meet each other’s friends
- Yes we could meet each other’s other romantic people (if applicable)
Read a story about keeping a university long distance relationship going
How involved do we want to be with each other’s new people?
- Not at all involved (what happens at Uni stays at Uni)
- I’d like to hear about friends/romantic people
- I’d be up for meeting friends/romantic people
- I’d really want to be involved with new friends/romantic people
Remember, there’s a ‘u’ in couple.
Other people
So we’re going to be close to (and become close to) loads of other rad people. What is okay for us to do with other people when we’re away at Uni?
- Flirt
- Random snogs
- Sexy times
- Sleepovers
- Cuddles
Different kinds of sex you may like (and be okay with)
If some of these things happen, what do we do about telling each other?
- Not tell each other, unless asked directly
- Give each other vague details
- Tell each other sometime after
- Tell each other everything straight after
Get a check up for your relationship
If we get romantically close to someone else, what are we going to do about that?
- End our relationship
- Not say anything
- Talk about it when we’re back home
- Talk about opening up the relationship if it happens
- Agree now that we can have close relationships with others (so long as they know)
Different kinds of relationships
© Justin Hancock, 2025 Find out more about me and BISH here.
I’ve been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. I’m a member of the World Association for Sexual Health. As well as BISH I also have resources, a podcast, and a coaching service for over 18s, as well as some of the best RSE teaching resources around. Find out out about my other work at justinhancock.co.uk. My work has featured (positively) in the media, like the BBC, Financial Times, The Economist, The Guardian, Sky One, and Novara Media.
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