Why does using a condom kill the mood and why I think that this is actually a good thing?
Condoms can kill the mood a little bit because putting them on can slow things down. In the time it takes to find the condom, open it, get it the right way round, pinch the end and roll it on can take some people a while. In that time it’s easy for an erection to disappear and for it to totally spoil the mood. The struggle is real and this is why I’ve written some top tips here about how to put on a condom more quickly and smoothly.
If you practice maybe you can be as quick as me ????????????????????????
but even if you do it still might cause a break in proceedings. Which is actually a good thing.
It’s Good to Kill the Mood
They say that sex is supposed to be seamless and one thing just naturally leads to another. Well that’s just bollocks. Condoms do spoil the mood and I think this is great.
Using condoms gives everyone an opportunity to be like ‘would we like to do this?’ or even ‘okay, this is happening: chill.’ So as well as preventing STIs and pregnancy, using them on penises and sex toys (and also gloves on hands too if you want to be super careful) can actually help with consent.
Read more on why it’s sometimes good that sex is awkward
That’s not to say that every time someone uses a condom for sex it’s consensual – of course it isn’t. However it does at least give everyone at least a few seconds of opportunity to check in with each other about whether this something they wanted to do.
It’s important that you use this opportunity to check in that this is okay because you’re putting something inside the body of someone else (or the other way around). Think about that, you’re putting something inside someone else. Touching someone externally is a very very different thing to touching someone internally. So either ask directly, or pay attention to each other’s body language and gestures to make sure that everything is fine.
Maybe It’s The Sex, Not The Condoms
Many people struggle with condoms really really badly. They find that their mood gets so spoiled that they or their partner or both go off the idea totally. That’s why I’ve got that really great advice about how to make it easier which is so good that I AM LINKING TO IT AGAIN RIGHT NOW.
However if you regularly get de-sexed in the seconds it takes to get a condom out and put it on then maybe it’s not the condoms – maybe it’s the sex. Here’s that regular reminder that although everyone seems to think sex = ?? it’s a) not and b) not what a lot of people actually like. Maybe even most.
So if this is you I have great news for you: you can do something else. You can try one of the many hundreds of other sexy things – many of which don’t even need condoms. DOUBLE WIN!
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© Justin Hancock, 2023
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Justin Hancock has been a trained sex and relationships educator since 1999. In that time he’s taught and given advice about sex and relationships with thousands of young people in person and millions online. He’s a member of the World Association for Sexual Health.